Tales From The Truck

by Drew Lazor

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Published: Sep 28, 2006

"Nobody bothers me from Wednesday to Thursday, not even my children and my wife. When my father died, I parked my truck outside the funeral parlor. I went in, paid my respects, got done, got dressed in the truck, delivered the paper and went to the funeral the next morning. I haven't missed a day since I've been here — touch wood."

"They wrote an article about Vincent Fumo one time. And I put a paper on his car, and he had all the trash men come and take all the papers away, and we didn't have anything to deliver. That was funny. I didn't know it was [an unflattering] article — I didn't read it. He musta got on the radio, got a trash truck to come and take them. I've been thrown out of places — I've been delivering for 10 years and they throw me out — 'Get out, you wrote a story about how our sandwich sucks,' or something."

"One time, back when SEPTA was on strike, a bunch of college kids stole my truck at 19th and Chestnut. All these kids got in the back of the truck, they drove it to 30th Street Station, they all got out and left the truck there. All the college kids were drunk ... guess they needed a ride. I just went over there and picked it up. They needed a ride to college or something. And what were they gonna do with a truck full of newspapers?"

"This one guy, I forget his name ... never had shoes on. Bruce [Schimmel] never had the same socks. He would always ask me to do 'yogurt.' I didn't know what 'yogurt' was. I thought we were gonna get high or something. I go up to the third floor, and 'yogurt' was an exercise. I didn't know what it was. I was a young South Philly guy, I didn't know. He would say, 'Take off your shoes.' I was like, 'I ain't doing that shit.' I tried it though, just to make Bruce happy."

Expect The Unexpected
25 Years of Memorable Stories
"Behind The Lines"
"The Taking of Northern Liberties"
"Moonrise Over Philadelphia"
"Looking For Mr. Good-Dad"
"The Truth About Mince"
"The Downshouter"
"Behind Closed Doors"
"The Gray and The Bloodless"
"How To Harry"
"Tape Head"
"My Baby"
"Phillyspeak"
"Heroin Highway"
"Violent Femmes"
"Stakes Is High"
"Waxing My Girl"
"Delilah's Exotic Dancer Of The Year Pageant"
"Ground Xero"
"Mortal Combat"
"Nothing Will Ever Be The Same"
"The Transit of Venus"
"Marketing 215"
"How They'll Lose"
"The Big Miedo"
"Battle of the Sexless"
Time Lapse
People To Watch (Over The Next 25 Years)
Don't Make Us Pop A Cap(sule) In Yo' Ass
Attack of the Killer Freebies
The Bell Curve: 25th Edition
From Blank Screen to Orange Box
Dear Fuckers
Running Numbers: 25th Edition
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The City Paper Freelancer Hall of Fame