Man of Make-Believe

John Hodgman is a liar.

by Brian Howard

Photo By: elizabeth cooper

City Paper: When one sets out to write an almanac, fake or otherwise, what is the first step one must take? Is there an extensive outlining process? Perhaps a flow chart?

John Hodgman: Generally it involves a lot of walking around and mumbling to oneself, trying to come up with ideas for entries that seem promising. If I manage to make myself laugh a little, I feel I am on to something. If I manage to scare strangers on the street, then I know I have a winner (see "Top Spots for Crabs" in my book).

CP: Even when you're making it all up, one might argue that making a fake almanac seem real could be more work than making a real almanac. Why make it up? Why not enter the lucrative world of making actual nonfake almanacs?

JH: Who would make the argument that not doing research is more work than actually, you know, doing research? I would like to meet this person and explain that yes, research is a fun and often fascinating procrastination tool, but it is still more time-consuming than simply lying. As well, there are, as you note, many factual almanacs. To date, as a compendium of fake facts, I have no competition, other than the U.S. government.

CP: You are suddenly everywhere. I remember you appearing on The Daily Show last year to promote your book. A week later Stewart started making hobo jokes. A week or two after that, you were a correspondent. Was there some sort of bet or blood oath involved there? And what were the stakes?

JH: To be fair, Stewart was making hobo jokes long before I arrived on the scene, and I may have stolen some of them. He, like many, it seems, shares an almost unconscious generational obsession with the wandering, drunken boxcar men of the '30s. But as for the blood oath and the stakes, I cannot tell you more, except to acknowledge that the stakes were indeed wooden stakes. Naturally.

CP: Do you have any advice for current professional literary agents on "The Hodgman plan"?

JH: It's true what they used to say in vaudeville: Everyone loves a professional literary agent. However, I'd suggest it's equally funny to be a serious professional journalist while also being a serious professional fake journalist.

CP: Do you now have your own literary agent?

JH: Naturally. I am not an insane person.

CP: It is my understanding that at the 215 Festival, you and Jonathan Coulton will be performing songs based on parts of the book. Can you give our readers a verse or two?

JH: Coulton has been kind enough to follow me on the road, playing songs and wearing a coonskin cap, as my official balladeer. He is a good fellow, and a bearded fellow, and he writes great songs about lobsters. But if you want to hear one, you have to come to the show.

CP: How has Philadelphia treated you in the past?

JH: I have great fondness for Philadelphia, but I feel bad I broke your bell.

CP: You've described The Areas of My Expertise as the only book one would ever need. Does this make it hard to write a follow-up?

JH: As it turns out there is more COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE being discovered or made up every day, so I am forced to follow this book with not one but two further volumes, which I am working on now.

(bhoward@citypaper.net)