Gluttony & Moderation

Food and Drink

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Published: Nov 1, 2006

Best Little Italy Eatery Disguised as a Strip-Mall Pizza Joint

On the surface, From the Boot looks like any other family-style eatery in a strip mall, but the Lafayette Hill BYO has the wine-toting locals lined up for a reason. It's tempting to gorge on the free garlic rolls alone, but save room — the entrees are plentiful and you'll want to clean your plate. For starters, try anything with "Siciliano" in the name. (517 Germantown Pike, 610-834-8680) —Shaun Brady

Most Honest Greengrocer in Town, and Probably the World

Ask John Chang at Sue's Produce which of his early summer tomatoes are best, and you may get an answer you weren't expecting: "Wait until next week. The yellow ones from Jersey are coming in. Those are the best." For someone who crams more quality and variety onto his shelves than most grocers with three times the retail space, Chang is an unflinching judge of his own wares. For candor along with superior fruit, this is foodie heaven. (114 S. 18th St.) —Trey Popp

Gluttony & Moderation

Illustration : Evan M. Lopez

Greatest Facilitator of Awkward Dinner Conversation

At West Chester's Dream Dinners, you pay a flat fee to construct cookie-cutter meals that you then freeze and serve to the fam for two weeks straight. (Holy crap, that's as close to an orgasm as most Chester County soccer moms will ever get.) But what the rip are you supposed to chat about with total strangers whilst broccoli-tossing and salmon-positioning? Our suggestion: Fire up the iPod, which'll form a don't-talk-to-me forcefield strong enough to protect your fingerling potato-salting ass. (1514 Paoli Pike, West Chester, 610-344-0321) —Drew Lazor

Best Place to Throw Down Like a Trappist Monk

I like beer. But I like Coors less than I like the Coors twins. That is why Eulogy Belgian Tavern rocks. Belgium has 300 or so different beers — often brewed in centuries-old abbeys — and Eulogy stocks around 150 of 'em. And serves pots of mussels, too. Forget Old City and pretend you're in some little town by the North Sea. (136 Chestnut St., 215-413-1918, www.eulogybar.com) —Rachel Frankford

Best Non-Creperie Crepes

Sometimes the best crepes, like parking spots, are located where you'd least expect them. And when the alternately crisp and supple, thoroughly golden and buttery crepes made to order at Mt. Airy's High Point Café are filled with toppings like caramelized apple and cheddar, or spinach, onion and chevre, it's almost as rewarding as a spot with a full meter near Rittenhouse Square on a weekday lunch hour. (602 W. Carpenter Lane, 215-849-5153) —Elisa Ludwig

Cruelest Sendoff for a Philly Legend

As soon as that shitty neon

Don't do Meat? Check our Seven Vegetarian Treats.

Applebee's sign went up at 15th and Locust, we put "Chain of Fools" on the turntable and sobbed quietly. Why's it gotta be like this? We just don't know. But if Old Original's on Walnut gets bulldozed to make way for a P.F. Chang's, I'm actually moving to Canada, not just saying I will like the rest of youse damn hippies. (215 S. 15th St., 215-772-2791) —Drew Lazor

Best Diner in Chestnut Hill for Superior Omelet Craftsmanship

When three eggs fall into a bizarre love triangle with frying pans, cheese and various meats and veggies, the results can be caustic. Omelets often turn out as unappetizing, overcooked messes that leave you hoping that at least the home fries have some redeeming value. Well, leave it to The Trolley Car Diner to craft a fluffy, gooey, perfectly cooked omelet. Even the home fries are bangin'! (7619 Germantown Ave., 215-753-1500) —James Saul

Most Spectacular View From a Restaurant

With domed ceilings towering more than 30 feet high and arched windows revealing the Philly skyline in all its glory, the view from the Park Hyatt's new brasserie XIX Nineteen is truly picture-perfect. If Nineteen's view doesn't make you feel any closer to heaven, wait until you taste the Sunday brunch. (200 S. Broad St., 215-790-1919) —Termeh Mazhari

Most Spectacular View From a Bar

Though you've probably never heard of it unless you live in Fairmount, and even then you may only know it as "that little bar in the Parkway House," the Parkway Room has undergone a transformation. Thanks to owner Timothy Gallagher's TLC, this neighborhood watering hole has become the perfect place to watch the game, stare at the skyline, nosh on nachos and play pool — all for less than you'd spend on a cab ride downtown. (2201 Pennsylvania Ave., 215-751-0988) —Natalie Hope McDonald

Cheapest Processed Meat

There's nothing like bottom-of-the-barrel animal protein packed into a reddish-colored tube to settle a booze-filled tummy. McGlinchey's Bar & Restaurant sells its hot dogs for 75 cents each. Down your Miller and grab a dog while they're still hot. (259 S. 15th St., 215-735-1259) —Jessica Loughery

Best Example of Fusion Cooking that Actually Fuses

In the wrong hands, fusion cuisine can be a cause for suspicion. But the wasabi fries at Cherry Hill BYO Oh Yoko! are a cross-continental revelation: Thin strips of potato are lightly crisped in a tempura fryer, then drizzled with a shiny green sauce that's as sweet as it is eye-wateringly zesty. (1428 Route 70 West, Cherry Hill, N.J., 856-857-9050) —Elisa Ludwig

Best Bar for Sunday Boozin'

Every bar in town has a football beer promotion, but Jager's Sunday special prices shitty beers fairly and extraordinary beers magnificently. A Jackson buys 20 brews from a choice of more than 30 varieties, including both watery domestics (Coors Light) and the creme de la creme (Guinness). The deal kicks off at 11 a.m. and runs until 4 p.m. If properly paced, the buzz will last through the second game and long into the night. (45 S. Third St., www.jagersbar.com) —Jesse Delaney

Best Italian Bread, Nontraditional Division

Everyone goes crazy over the breads at Cacia's and Sarcone's, but their traditional Italian loaves are as tasty as cotton to me. But South Philly's Varallo Brothers' bread and rolls are dense, chewy, flavorful creations similar to the rustic country breads that go for up to twice as much at la-dee-dah artisan bakeries like Le Bus and Metropolitan. (1639 S. 10th St., 215-952-0367) —Carolyn Wyman

Best Use of Cow's Milk

Yogurt doesn't generally inspire passionate emotions. But then, Pequea Valley Farm's Yogurt is a far cry from the baby-food, pie-filling-on-the-bottom, served-in-a-straw stuff of the mass market. With the velvety texture of a custard and rich, natural fruit flavors, this Lancaster County culture tastes more like an indulgence than something you'd eat for breakfast. (116-D S. Ronks Rd., Ronks, Pa., 717-687-7547) —Elisa Ludwig

Best Use of Goat's Milk

Even the way it's packaged, like a little present in its black plastic egg with white paper wrapping, is pleasing. Produced in small batches in West Chester, Shellbark Hollow Farms cheese is made from sustainably raised goat's milk. The end product is distinctively tart and snappy, light and airy on the palate and dreamy on just about any plate. (942 Cornwallis Dr., West Chester, 610-431-0786, www.shellbarkhollow.com) —Elisa Ludwig

Most Extreme Religious Experience From Chocolate Mousse

My Rosh Hashanah dinner was topped off with three gigantic scoops of earth-shattering, orgasmic chocolate mousse from Tiramisu. It was as if God himself (or herself) commanded the Hebrews to create a frothy delight with smooth texture and rich chocolate chutzpah. The freshly sliced strawberry garnish had me screaming "Diyanu!" (528 S. Fifth St., 215-925-3335) —James Saul

Best Pho, Pho Sure

OK, we know it's pronounced "fuh." Whatever. What's really important is that Pho Cafe Saigon somehow manages to crank out the most excellent beef noodle soup this side of Ho Chi Minh City. It's no fancier than anywhere else, but their broth's bolder, their meat's more tender and their noodles are done up just right. Then again, it might also be related to the service — so prompt, with none of the bullshit (we're looking at you, Café Viet Huong). (4248 Spruce St., 215-222-6800) —Drew Lazor

Most Serious Latte Served in a Glass

Unlike a book, you can fairly judge a drink by its cover. And Chestnut Hill Coffee Company 's latte, with its swirling crema and foam rosetta branching outward from an inner, treelike spine, should be the tip-off that this is not merely a fine beverage. It's the work of a masterful barista. (8620 Germantown Ave., 215- 242-8600) —Elisa Ludwig

Least Pretentious Wine Bar

Open since April, Jason and Delphine Evenchik's Vintage Wine Bar & Bistro gamble has paid serious dividends. It all has to do with the approach: The servers are knowledgeable without being pushy or condescending, but that doesn't mean that Vintage's list is lacking quality material. And they're getting just as much attention for their affordably priced menu, expertly crafted by head chef Jason Gleichman. (129 S. 13th St., 215-922-3095) —Drew Lazor

Best Investment of Your Last Four Bones

The chorizo taco at La Lupe costs $2. That means two tacos = $4. Shit's tasty, too — poked with sprigs of cilantro, smothered in an alarmingly green salsa and served with a side of sliced cucumber. (1201 S. Ninth St., 215-551-9920) —Megan M. Erwin

Most Labyrinthlike Bathroom Hallway

The shortest distance from Point A to Point Pee should never resemble a maze. Yet every lavatory trip at Cosi on 4th and Chestnut streets inevitably leads to an epic journey involving at least five 90-degree turns, a near excursion to the Christian Science Reading Room and the feeling I'm going to encounter a minotaur or David Bowie. Anything for a smoothie. (325 Chestnut St., 215-399-0214, www.getcosi.com) —Nick Norlen

Best Neighborhood Sicilian

With all due respect for everything La Cosa Nostra has done for South Philly, we're talking 'bout pizza here. Where we once thought that it was impossible to get a good Sicilian pie delivered stoop-side, East Falls corner mainstay Frank's Pizza said that just ain't so. And they said it deliciously (cooked perfectly, there's nary a need to worry about cheese slippage), not to mention cheaply (an enough-left-over-for-lunch bargain at $11.50). (3600 Fisk Ave., 215-848-6433) —Brian Hickey

Best Explanation as to Why the Philly Sticky Bun Tradition Is Still Alive

I know those small, square, brown sugar and raisin or nut-topped sticky buns are a local favorite dating back to the 1600s. But I didn't really understand why until I had Fritz's Bakery's version — which strikes the perfect balance between the usual Philly bake shop's austere, Wonder Bread-y offerings and Cinnabon's edible obscenities. Want to know just how dire the Philly sticky bun situation is? Fritz's is actually located over the Northeast Philly line in Bucks County. (500 State Rd., Croydon, 215-785-5915) —Carolyn Wyman

Most Legit Hummus

A little birdy (OK, my mayo-phobic mother) told me that lots of restaurants and brands put mayonnaise in their hummus. Mayo, staple of the Middle Eastern diet! So thank whatever higher power you like for people like Zev Seidman, of Zev's Kosher Catering, whose jars of hummus and tahini are the real deal. Grab up a bunch at R&R Produce and Fish, which also stocks fun stuff like kosher feta cheese. (Zev's Kosher Catering, 2306 Brookhaven Rd., 215-477-0864; R&R Produce and Fish, 7551 Haverford Ave., 215-878-6264) —Rachel Frankford

Best Stop-n-Eat-n-drink on Your Way to Billy Murphy's

We're down with Johnny Manana's. Totally. Because margaritas and sizzling fajita skillets are fun. But don't let that preclude you from checking out the Pour House Tavern a half-block up Ridge. Served by a staff that'll remember your name, the menu, well, let's just say the Big Pappa (bacon, barbecue sauce and provolone) and Flocco (fried onions and "signature sauce") burgers set the under-$6-tavern-menu-fare bar high. In the mood to ride the clogged-artery highway to hell? It's all about the Pour House Porker, because nothing says gluttony like treating pork roll as a topping. (4213 Ridge Ave., 215-848-2770) —Brian Hickey

Best New Neighbor

What could have fit better at the corner of 25th and Parrish than Angelino's Restaurant and Pizzeria? Until 2000, it was a pizzeria called Beato's, but after that closed, the corner was just a hangout for big crowds of teens. Fairmounters had no place within walking distance to get a slice or a sandwich. Now? The block is clean and well lit, and you gotta try the chicken parm. (849-51 N. 25th St., 215-787-9945) —Doron Taussig

Snazziest Upgrade

I remember when Lovash Indian Cuisine was nothing but a scrappy little takeout joint with two or three unadorned tables. Now, under the direction of chef Mohan Parmar, it's a sharp BYO, complete with tablecloths, candles and napkins folded in fancy shapes. The prices went up, of course, but that's a pittance to pay considering the genteel service, romantic atmosphere and dolled-up curries. Try the chef's cashew fudge for a sweet finale. (236 South St., 215-925-3881, www.lovashindiancuisine.com) —Ashlea Halpern

The Ultimate Servers for Picky, Indecisive and/or Obnoxious Eaters

When you finally get that table at Amada, ask for server Brett Hilling. Charming, and never obsequious, Hilling is supremely skilled at pairing food and drink. He will honestly tell you the better dish between two interesting choices, or suggest you try something fantastic that may lie out of your comfort zone. Meanwhile, across town, Megan Brigaman is the epitome of grace under pressure at Marathon on the Square. Never one to let a hot kitchen or a difficult customer get to her, Brigaman thoughtfully handles special requests on large orders, and always provides service with a smile — which is certainly worth a hefty tip. (Amada, 217-219 Chestnut St., 215-625-2450, www.amadarestaurant.com; Marathon on the Square, 1839 Spruce St., 215-731-0800, www.marathongrill.com) —Gary M. Kramer

Philly Chefs' Deepest Darkest Obsession

Amada does it. Ft. Lauderdale's Chima will do it at Kennedy House. So will Brazilian churrascaria Fogo de Chão when it hits Juniper. I'm talking about restaurants curing their own meat, people. Tangerine's executive chef Todd Fuller is calling himself a "salumiere," turning out traditional housemade fennel salami and sopprassata. Self-taught and proud of it, Fuller is up in the natural casing and Niman Ranch pork butt, big-time. —A.D. Amorosi

Most Unusual Dumpling

The crystal wontons at Four Rivers are tiny dumplings that look like lollipops doused in red chili oil and chopped scallions. The sauce's secret ingredient is a concentrated fish sauce, extracted from cooking the li'l swimmers for 12 hours. Bonus: The wontons have a thin layer of skin so you bite right into the minced pork. (936 Race St., 215-629-8385) —Helen i-lin Hwang

Best Reason to Buy a Warm Beverage

You've seen those jars with the pretty blue-and-white label in almost every reputable cafe in town, and with good reason: Gilda's biscotti, which have the double distinction of being exceptionally authentic and locally made, are the perfect tools for soaking up espresso and delivering it to your mouth. They're pretty tasty with moscato, too. (8419 Germantown Ave., 866-242-5640, www.gildasbiscotti.com) —Elisa Ludwig

Best Spot to Cruise With Cappuccino

Gay men mourned the loss of Millennium Coffee, but they didn't have far to look for a lavender latte. The cruise terminal at The Village Coffee House offers outdoor Parisian-style seating, cozy window coves and a steamy menu of caffeinated drinks and gourmet bites, served daily from morning till night. Look for acoustic music nights, gay tarot readings and cult movie classics. (1112 Locust St., 215-923-1992, www.thevillagecoffeehouse.com) —Natalie Hope McDonald

DOGGIE STYLE: The hot dogs at McGlinchey's are only 75 cents a pop. photo by: Michael M. Koehler

Best Hole in the Wall For Burrito Nirvana

OK, it's not exactly located in the most inviting part of town — after all, isn't this where Eraserhead came from? Nevertheless, surrounded by warehouses, shuttered cab garages and J & J Trestle Inn, there stands a small shack with a big Jose's sign. Go in. Get a burrito, torta or taco. Note the flavor, the enticing spiciness. To return less than monthly is a crime to your sense of taste. (469 N. 10th St., 215-765-2369) —Michael Pelusi

Best Strawberry Shortcake

Luscious ripe Driscoll strawberries, fresh whipped cream and real shortcake — not that awful spongecake stuff — make Brenda Jordan's strawberry shortcake at Greg Salisbury's Rx a dessert to savor. Creamy, fruity but not too sweet, this exceptional sweet will have you dreaming of strawberry fields forever. (4443 Spruce St., 215-222-9590) —Gary M. Kramer

Mac 'n' Cheese Most Likely to Convert the Jazz- and Lactose-Intolerant

Even if horns and milk products don't sit so well with you, it's worth dropping in on a show at Zanzibar Blue for the hearty three-cheese mac. The sightlines are swell for watching the band, and the trumpets will drown out any audible signs of abdominal distress. Pop a Lactaid and get some culture, already. (200 S. Broad St., 215-732-5200, www.zanzibarblue.com) —M.J. Fine

Greatest Upstart Coffee Joint in GradHo

Man, remember South St. Blues? For years, that was a dead corner. Then, suddenly, some enterprising souls started prying things open and taking trash out. The result, La Va, is slowly becoming a prime destination for any local with a laptop and a caffeine buzz. The spot has plenty else working for it, with tasty treats for breakfast (they make a fine egg-and-cheese bagel) and the rest of the day (like a mighty filling chicken Caesar salad). (2100 South St., 215-545-1508) —Michael Pelusi

Most Authentic French Baguette

From its crunchy, flour-dusted shell to its chewy center, the French baguette at Fork, Etc. is the closest thing to ol' Paree Philly has to offer. The best time to grab one is around 10 a.m.,when a warm, fragrant steam escapes from the freshly cracked-open crust. (308 Market St., 215-625-9425) —Termeh Mazhari

Best Indian Food at the End of the PATCO Line

City sense suggests there'd be decent Indian food in the vicinity of 16th and Locust streets, but since Minar Palace closed, you're more likely to find relief on the other side of the Hi-Speedline. Curry Café, a brisk stroll across the Lindenwold station's parking lot, has a small but solid buffet and a menu drawing from both North and South India. Wash it all down with a sweet rose lassi. (33 S. White Horse Pike, Stratford, N.J., 856-309-9200, www.thecurrycafe.com) —M.J. Fine

MOST HEAVENLY Morsel of Raw Fish

The elemental deliciousness of a fresh piece of raw tuna can hardly be improved upon, but one Japanese restaurant in Blue Bell has found a way. Embedded in the velvety pink flesh of Sushikazu's tuna ball is the surprise crunch of crisped rice nuggets, chopped scallion and a spicy bite of hot pepper sauce. I dare you to share. (920 Dekalb Pike, Blue Bell, 610-272-7767, www.sushikazupa.com) —Elisa Ludwig

Best Place to Get Drunk Before Buying an Engagement Ring

Diamonds and drinks? Sounds like marital bliss to us. Located in the heart of Jeweler's Row, Coco's is many a gold digger's fantasy bar. The brews are cheap, the specials plentiful and the neighbors trade in diamonds and rubies and gold, oh my. Ring a bling bling! (112 S. Eighth St., 215 923-0123) —Amanda McKenna

Greatest Amaretto Sour

Who says sweet and sour should be relegated to soup? No one at Alma de Cuba. The restaurant's rockin' Amaretto Sour is sweet enough to make you forget you're drinking alcohol, but sour enough to leave you tipsy. (1623 Walnut St., 215-988-1799) —Tasha Ho-Sang

Spiciest Brownie

The secret ingredients that give the Flying Monkey Patisserie's Santa Fe Brownie that extra kick are cayenne pepper, cinnamon and cocoa nibs. Owner Rebecca Michaels confesses: "We really enjoy watching people's reaction when we tell them what's in the brownie. It's either, 'Oh, yum!' or, 'Oh, uh, I'll have a normal brownie. Thanks.'" (Reading Terminal Market, 12th and Arch sts., 215-928-0340, www.flyingmonkeyphilly.com) —Termeh Mazhari

Most Improved Service

Once upon a time, Honey's Sit 'n' Eat served the best-tasting brunch in the land. We're talking housemade grits, biscuits sopping with gravy and green bean casseroles with those little onion things on top. But the Southern-fried goodness came at a price, and every brunch ended the same: "I swear I'm never coming back here — the service sucks!" Long lines, disorganized waiting lists and what felt like two waiters per 300 tables — Honey's just couldn't get its shit together. Thank heaven, it's undergone a radical 180. Empty mugs are immediately refilled, orders are taken in a timely manner and getting a table is no longer a bloodsport. Gold star for giving a damn! (800 N. Fourth St., 215-925-1150) —Andrew Parks

Classiest Dive for Cheap Brews/Shooters and Waffle Fries

Who expects a dive bar to have shiny hardwood floors? The Locust Rendezvous provides such amenities with weekly specials and dive prices to boot. It even has a digital jukebox where Michael Jackson is a played-out favorite. The best part of "the Vous" is its waffle fries: crisp, salty, a perfect pairing with cheap brew. Tell those other dives to "Beat It." (1415 Locust St., 215-985-1163) —James Saul

Most Disappointing Non-Reopening

Mystery surrounded the beloved Griffin Café's first closing a few years back. Why'd it fold? Philip Cohen wouldn't say. But when he announced plans to reopen this past April, we forgave his tight lips. After all, we got what we wanted. Woot, right? No woot! Check out the glass front over at Second and Market — not a damn thing's going on. Where's our mythical beast of an espresso-sipping venue, Phil? Where?! (230 Market St.) —Drew Lazor

Charming Decor Does Not a Good Bar Make

Aw look, The Bards has an Irish writer theme! There's a picture of James Joyce, I just love him. Oscar Wilde's a doll. That's Gerald Griffin, right? Adorable. Where the hell's my overpriced lukewarm beer? I've been sitting here for 20 minutes. Maybe our waitress is analyzing Ulysses in the back. Fuck this sodding mess, let's go to the Irish Pub. It's much more authentic. (2013 Walnut St., 215-569-9585) —Drew Lazor

Best Roti

There are a few roti derivations to be had in and around town, but the best — and most authentic — can be found at Banana Leaf, Siong Ho's beast of an efficiency drill restaurant. Treat yourself to their roti canai, a traditional Malaysian snack that consists of a thin, crispy crepe and a ramekin of bold chicken curry dipping sauce. (1009 Arch St., 215-592-8288) —Drew Lazor

Richest Coffee Shop Soup

The African peanut soup at Old City Coffee is almost too heavy, but it's so delicious and filling that it doesn't matter if you can't eat another bite for the rest of the day. For added satisfaction, sop it up with bread that's good and crusty — if you can handle it. (221 Church St., 215-629-9292, www.oldcitycoffee.com) —M.J. Fine

Loose Leaf Tea With the Best Backstory

For the most part, the extensive tea menu at Bubble House keeps its descriptions general and succinct; "hints of" this, "notes of" that, flowery words like "exotic" and "refreshing." But Iron Goddess of Mercy, a light oolong, comes with a freakin' paragraph describing the legend of a Chinese farmer who dutifully cared for a run-down temple on his land and received an enchanted tea plant from the spirit inhabiting the temple's central statue. The plant proliferated, the farmer was able to restore the temple with the proceeds, and Bubble House's most hysterical menu item was born. (3404 Sansom St., 215-243-0804) —John Vettese

Most Mind-Boggling Selection of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

If you set out to eat a different kind of grilled cheese sandwich every day for a month, you wouldn't exhaust The Pop Shop's offerings. Among the 35 choices are Swiss and ham, Brie and caramelized apples, and the super-yummy goat cheese and roasted veggies. And they don't even mind if you ask to sub soy cheese for the real thing. (729 Haddon Ave., Collingswood, N.J., 856-869-0111, www.thepopshopusa.com) —M.J. Fine

Classiest Sunday Brunch Buzz

Shandy is dandy, but three kir royales are quicker. The Cafe is refined enough to suit a Rittenhouse steak-salad-eating, mimosa-drinking theater snob, but even tomato soup, French toast and Chunky Monkeys taste elegant and not a bit out of place here. (2011 Walnut St., 215-568-5603, www.thecafe2011.com) —M.J. Fine

Perkiest Falafel Service

It's not the quickest falafel joint on the block, but Alyan's more than makes up for that with sheer niceness. One of my friends insists that world peace will be hammered out over falafel, tabouli and labneh. True or not, Mideast negotiators could learn a lesson from Alyan's gracious staff. (603 S. Fourth St., 215-922-3553) —M.J. Fine

Most Promising Fast Food Trend

Who knew that the associate head writer of General Hospital could create something so tasteful? We kid. Really though, Michael Conforti and partner Boots Yair (who's also written for soaps) certainly have something going with Bootsie's gourmet-food-on-the-go idea. The ostrich burgers, buffalo burgers and Kobe beef hot dogs are pretty pricey, but it's a welcome change from the typical lunch routine. Just one question, Mike: What's Rick Springfield like in real life? I wanna eat rabbit-meat sausages with him. (38 S. 19th St., 215-988-0089) —Drew Lazor

Best Budget Snack at Reading Terminal

In a shopping spot where price premiums are the name of the game, Little Thai Market is one place where a $5 lunch can be as filling as it is tasty. But you've already blown your wad on jam from the PA Dutch. Good thing your pocket change is enough to cover the cost of those scrumptious chicken satay skewers. Ditch the napkins; lick those fingers. (12th and Arch sts., 215-873-0231) —Trey Popp

Best Place to Be Eyeballed by an Old Vietnamese Woman and a Dead Carp At the Same Time

We all know where Wing Phat Plaza is situated, but have you ever been in its Hung Vuong Supermarket? It's friggin' unbelievable. Three for $5 on pretty ceramic bowls? A generous pound of fresh fish for $2.99? Five limes for a buck? Every type of noodle, sauce and weird packaged good imaginable from, like, a quarter? It's like they exist in a universe where inflation is completely irrelevant. (1122-1138 Washington Ave.) —Drew Lazor

Most Monstrous Pasta Portions

A conservative Italian? Not when it comes to eatin'. Luberto's Brick Oven Pizza & Trattoria knows what's up. They heap more than a half pound of pasta onto each spaghetti plate. You're left not only sharing with friends and family, but taking home one, two, even three doggie bags. (169 N. Main St., Dublin, Pa., 215-249-0688) —Jessica Loughery

Most Pleasantly Aromatic Pizzeria

Some people can walk by a bakery and bask in the amazing exhaust fumes without wanting — no, needing — to go in and buy a cupcake. For those of us who can't pass up a sugar high but have reached our lifetime allowance of pizza, there's Sauce. The pizza-and-wine spot has expanded to a full menu since replacing International Pizza House in the spring, and the corner of 10th and Spruce has never smelled better. (941 Spruce St., 215-351-5356) —M.J. Fine

Most Pleasantly Aromatic Coffee Shop Bathroom

The baristas are sweet, the artwork is intriguing and the Cat Power-heavy soundtrack is cool. It's just about the coziest place to hunker down all afternoon with a pot of tea and a big book. But Chapterhouse Café & Gallery's secret weapon is the tiny W.C. that smells like the freshest beach. No other cafe comes close. (620 S. Ninth St., 215-238-2626) —M.J. Fine

Best Mexican South of the Veracruzana Border

And no, we ain't talking Chili's. (They're next.) El Jarocho is a casual little cash-only Mexican joint with smiley waiters and tortas the size of toddlers. Hungry hombres lust after the shredded pork tacos, but we go for the vegetarian burritos and zingy salsa verde. (1138 S. 13th St., 215-463-2020) —Ashlea Halpern

Most Mouth-Wateringly Spicy Dish

Chung King Garden's Szechuan "Water Boiled Signature" is amazingly hot: tender meat (your choice of beef, chicken, pork, fish fillet, fresh water eel or pig kidney), swimming in diced red chili peppers. After dinner, you'll find yourself craving more around midnight, not to mention at breakfast the next morning. (915 Arch St., 215-627-3792, www.ckgarden.com) —Helen i-lin Hwang

Best Chain Restaurant Salsa

When you're stuck entertaining your taco Americana-eatin' relatives — you know, the same ones that collect Hard Rock Café T-shirts — nothing beats the "bottomless" chips and salsa appetizer at the one, the many Chili's Grill & Bar. The salsa isn't ass-rippingly spicy and the chips aren't all that fresh, but it's not Old El Paso/Tostitos, either. Beggars can't be choosers when the 'rents are paying. (www.chilis.com) —Ashlea Halpern

Best Weekend Night Street Food

After a night out sinnin', swallow your guilt with a plate of soul food cooked hot from some tricked-out church ladies at the Evangel Temple Church of Deliverance. We're talking ribs, chicken and dumplings, oxtail, ham hock and lima beans, pig's feet, sweet potato pie and more. Just don't go sayin' the Lord's name in vain on a Tuesday — the cafeteria marms are only open Fridays, 7 p.m. to 2 a.m., Saturdays, 5 p.m. to 2 a.m., and Sundays, after church until 5 p.m. (1407 S. 49th St., 215-729-2581) —Mary Armstrong

SWEET DREAMS: There is no escaping the decadent confections at Naked Chocolate Cafe, Tom and Sara Block's new European-style chocolateria. photo by: Michael M. Koehler

Best Reason to Double Up on Your Diabetes Meds

Since Thomas Sweet founder Tom Block and daughter Sara debuted Naked Chocolate Cafe earlier this year, Center City has been running on a crazy sugar buzz. Try one of their richer-than-Trump drinking chocolates with a decadent pyramid-shaped nudo (brownies or cake in chocolate shells) and watch the needle on your insulin meter quiver like a Richter in Cali. (1317 Walnut St., 215-735-7310) —Drew Lazor

Most Delicious Pork Chop

Forget everything you think you know about Vietnamese food, and order pork chops the next time you go to Pho and Café Viet Huong. Two tender yet toothsome grilled chops, laid atop a pile of broken rice, are yours for just $6.75. (1110 Washington Ave., 215-336-5030) —Alex Richmond

Dessert Pusher Most Likely to Contribute to Childhood Obesity

We're all for value, but Philly Flavors' sizes are completely out of synch with reality. When a so-called "kitty cup" is as big as a self-respecting medium elsewhere, there's no justification for ordering a large, tubby. No wonder this parlor packs the porkers in year round. (2004 Fairmount Ave., 215-232-7748) —Jenna Portnoy

Tastiest Tiniest Appetizer

After having designed hot-spot hallmarks from Zee Bar to Buddakan, Owen Kamihira's first self-owned joint nails its intended target — the inexpensive tapas jawn. But of all its urban Spanish treats, chef Blake Joffe's charred sandia quemada is most seductive. Nicely pink, the slightly fried watermelon with a wafer-thin slice of Serrano ham all zested up with olive oil and tarragon is gorgeously delicious. (Bar Ferdinand, 1030 N. Second St., Liberties Walk, 215- 923-1313, www. barferdinand.com) —A.D. Amorosi

Biggest Identity Crisis in an Eatery

Cafe Intermezzo can't make up its mind. Is it a comfy lunch spot? An open mic room for hippie troubadours? A decadent Bar Noir-style night lounge? An art gallery? There's nothing wrong with appealing to a broad customer base — and Intermezzo's food is totally worth the confusion — but c'mon guys. Pick one identity and stick with it. (3131 Walnut St., 215-222-4300) —John Vettese

best USE OF ANIMAL BONES

Before City Council decides to ban cholesterol, stop by Ansill for its bone marrow crostini with a sprinkling of crunchy pink sea salt. Fear for your arteries, but take it from this Lipitor-lovin' gal — these little bits of heaven are worth it. Tip: Order a fourth for a mere $1.25 and save yourself the spectacle of arm wrestling your husband over the third and final nibble. (627 S. Third St., 215-627-2485) —Char Vandermeer

MOST DELECTABLE Carnitas

Not always on the menu at El Taco Riendo, but a frequent special, these carnitas are the ultimate pig treat: juicy and flavorful, never oversalted and never the reheated grease globs that other places palm off. FYI, Riendo is part of the Las Cazuelas restaurant family, so despite the seedy surroundings, the place is cozy and cute. (1301 N. Fifth St., 215-235-2294) —Mary Armstrong

Supermarket Most Capable of Feeding the Entire Tri-State Area

If you live in Center City and travel on foot or bicycle, you're probably only remotely aware that you're missing out on aisles upon aisles of endless cereal, juice and candy varieties available in suburban grocery stores. Double that output, and you've got the food kingdom that is Wegman's. This is the next phase in mass quantification of food distribution and consumption. (2100 Rt. 70 West, Cherry Hill, N.J., 856-488-2700) —Jessica Loughery

Best Supermarket Junk Food

Look for the "sweet potato patch" at the ShopRite Penrose Plaza, an entire display of storemade delicacies. The pies are yummy, but knowing the addicts will pay whatever they're asked, no bargain. The pinnacle of cheap, the sweet potato cookies with cream cheese frosting are vaguely reminiscent of carrot cake, with a surprisingly delicate texture. Two monster-size cookies are shrink-wrapped on a tray for $1.19. (2946 Island Ave., 215-244-5100) —Mary Armstrong

Residential Block Most Likely to Make You Crave Fresh Bread

They must have the ovens going around the clock at Kaplan's New Model Bakery, since the smell of buttery rolls and yeast seems to waft its way down to the 900 block of American on a near-constant basis. It's tough to walk in the area without your stomach rumbling, mouth watering and legs involuntarily directing you to the source of the smell. (901 N. Third St., 215-627-5288) —John Vettese

Best Place for Roots Music and Fair Trade Coffee

Can't stand one more homogenized coffee experience? Surround yourself with anarchists and other Philly originals at The Satellite Café. Count on the coffee to be socially conscious Fair Trade, the treats scrupulously vegan and the music whatever people happen to have loaded into iTunes on the customer-accessible iMac — with a large dose of roots recordings, blues and Appalachian. (50th St. and Baltimore Ave.) —Mary Armstrong

Most Underappreciated Cheesesteak

Tucked into an utterly unnoticeable Pennsport Plaza storefront, Gooey Louie's doesn't get in your face with gaudy neon signage or head-scratching regality. But what they lack in self-promotional prowess, they make up for in sheer volume: Their sandwiches, crammed with enough meat to sate a clan of starving hyenas, are greasy, drippy, overstuffed behemoths that'll make you rue the day you ordered a large. Our arteries are not worthy. (Moyamensing Ave. and Moore St., 215-334-7668) —Drew Lazor

Best Martini You Won't Find on a Menu

Tavern on Green, a comfy hangout for Fairmount locals craving yummy fries and burgers, is basically a beer and vino-by-the-glass joint (check out the wine list scrawled on the front wall). But if you ask nicely, the barkeeps will shake you up a frothy Creamsicle martini. Never mind the wooden stick; finish with a cherry instead. (2047 Green St., 215-235-6767) —Jenna Portnoy

Most Sensical Expansion

Fans of the Foodery's 10th and Pine location love it for its selection of micro and import beers. They hate it for its lack of elbow room. So the beer emporium's new second spot at Second and Poplar, right in the middle of hipsterville NoLibs, is so right-on, I'm half inclined to revoke this award and simply ask what took so long. (837 N. Second St., 215-928-1111, www.fooderybeer.com) —Brian Howard

Most DELIGHTFULLY DISGUSTING Burger

Originally from the D.C. area, the East Coast chain that is Five Guys Burgers and Fries snuck up on Center City in early August. Their burgers ain't glamorous, but they're ridiculously addictive grease monsters. They consist of two hand-formed 3.3-ounce patties and whatever the hell else you want, from cheese and bacon to A1 sauce and jalapenos. Our only complaint is that all the meat's cooked well-done, a lame but understandable rule. (1527 Chestnut St., 215-972-1375) —Drew Lazor

Worst Name for an Avenue of the Arts Restaurant

This time, the theater kids have gone too far. We know the owners of newish arts district resto-cabaret Applause! Applause! mean well, but what in the name of Bernadette Peters happened with the name? Did they spend their entire moniker-development budget on Liza lithographs and Fosse master classes? Aw, fuck it: JAZZ HANDS! (1305 Locust St., 215-546-0711) —Drew Lazor

Best Picnic Dish

She ain't much to look at, but the balsamic tofu salad at Whole Foods goes down like a champ. Tough and chewy like roasted tofu should be, the fat cuts are tossed in a thick, sweetly biting vinaigrette and served cold amid ribbons of fresh spinach and crunchy red pepper. Load 'er up in a jumbo-sized plastic container alongside cold pasta salads and other veggie treats, and she's the year-round picnic entree du jour. (929 South St., 215-733-9788, www.wholefoodsmarket.com) —Ashlea Halpern

Best Place to Picnic Without Fear of Decapitation or Mauling

Thanks to the exuberance of dogs and frisbees, lunch in the park can turn tragically stressful. But the Louis I. Kahn Memorial Park is as idyllic as parks get. It's always clean, the flower garden is gorgeous and the presence of Antique Row seems to subdue even the occasional homeless person napping on a bench. (11th and Pine sts.) —Rachel Frankford

Best Diner in the Northeast

The menu is diverse and reasonably priced, but what sets Tiffany's apart from the other greasy spoons is size. When it's late and you're starving, you wanna eat, not wait. Tiffany's is big enough to accommodate a post-bar party without seeming cavernous. (9010 Roosevelt Blvd., 215-677-3916) —Lou Perseghin

Teeniest Soft Pretzels

Now your late-night post-bar snack cravings can feel virtuous. On your way home, go to the Center City Soft Pretzel Factory, and instead of a full-sized soft pretzel, try one of the new mini-sized ones. Carb count: small. Pretzel taste: big and warm. (816 Washington Ave., 215-463-5664) —Alex Richmond

CP Choice Goes to Hell
Sloth & Zeal
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Lust & Abstinence
Pride & Humility
Greed & Generosity
Wrath & Meekness
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