The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Ink & Dagger drummer sues Schooly D, claiming the rapper stole the song that is now the Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme. Also suing the show: a milkshake, some fries and Ed Rendell. Minus 1

Microsoft's High School of the Future holds global education summit, bringing together educators from more than 30 countries. Educators from Iraq couldn't be in attendance because they were dead. Plus 3

Aide charged in Fumo probe may keep lawyer who is being financed by two people with direct ties to the state senator. Also, his mom is just Fumo in a dress, and his dog is Fumo wearing a carpet. Minus 1

Likely mayoral candidates Michael Nutter, Bob Brady and Chaka Fattah jockey for onstage position during Rendell's victory speech. Wait, wasn't that Vaughn Hebron, Michael Barkann and Ray Didinger? Minus 1

Private contractors within Philadelphia School District asked to cut all costs by 10 percent to repair the $73.3 million budget deficit. As an incentive, they're all given the answer key to the GED. Plus 1

Philadelphia to host 2008 Olympic trials. "In other words," says Olympic Committee, "we like you, but we don't like like you." Plus 2

National Gallery of Art and Wal-Mart heiress Alice L. Walton plan to purchase Thomas Eakins' Gross Clinic for $68 million. See what you can buy when you don't offer your employees health insurance? A famous painting of a doctor! Minus 3

Phils pitcher Randy Wolf has reportedly "made preparations" to leave the area in anticipation of free agency. Wolf packed :'( Minus 2

Joe Vento donates $10,000 to the city of Hazleton to "defend its crackdown on illegal immigration from legal challenges." Vento's a Native American name, right? Minus 2

Total Pluses: 6
Total Minuses: 10
This Week's Total: -4
Last Week's Total: 0