Content High

The Web revolution will be televised ... by Schooly D and the fine folks at 633tv.

by Andrew Parks

Like Butthead backhanding Beavis after a snide remark, it doesn't take long before Schooly D is slapping Erik Horvitz right upside the head.

"I had heard one of Schooly's songs, 'Am I Black Enough for You,' when I met him and realized who he was," says Horvitz, a longtime friend and foil of the infamous Philly rapper. The comment elicits a swift smack but Horvitz continues, "Schooly busted my balls at first, so I told him to pack up his sampler and hit the road. I think that's when we became fast friends. For some reason, there was a level of trust and honesty [between us] after that."

NUMBER ONE IN THE HOOD, G: (L-R) Jim Stager, Erik Horvitz, Schooly D and Mia Johnson of 633tv. : Michael T. Regan

Not to mention a perfect partnership that would take the pair everywhere from scoring the opening credits of Aqua Teen Hunger Force (co-creator Dave Willis is a huge Schooly D fan and also asked him to narrate 16 episodes) to launching 633tv, a lo-fi, streaming amalgamation of Adult Swim, 120 Minutes and the sadistic/sarcastic voices in your head. Jumpstarted more than a year ago, the Internet-only station is an addicting cubicle distraction like YouTube, only free of cutesy cat videos, grainy confessionals and cheeky, painfully unfunny filler. That's because the site offsets its "open forum ... regardless of religious, cultural or political orientation" mission statement with a curious editor's note that says, "The staff of 633tv reserves, and often exercises, the right to edit, manipulate and alter any and all content without explanation." As Rupert Murdoch as that sounds, what it really means is Horvitz, Schooly and their small staff are stuck editing open submissions down from as much as 60 minutes to a stoner's-delight span of three or four.

"We look at ourselves like a creepy, weird public-access TV station," explains Horvitz, "but also as a breath of fresh air compared to the overproduced, washed-out content you'd get on regular channels."

More like a breath of fresh "wtf?" Or as Horvitz plainly puts it, "The lunatics are finally running the asylum." Aside from an archive of assorted lunacy — intimate acoustic sessions (The Blood Feathers, Mia Johnson), recurring shows and crass, cutting cartoons — the station's main page runs a 24/7 loop of random programming from its collection of more than 1,000 clips. (Only about five hours in total.) Orchestrated by tech guru Julius "It Almost Works" Curcio, the engine produces spotty but hypnotic results. In a half-hour span, for instance, we were treated to the following surprising snippets: a crude but cutesy "Tortoise and the Hare" cartoon by a young art class in Camden, an animated Captain Kirk promo spot, the tattooed and taut Philly Rollergirls, a very intoxicated woman touting the merits of Framboise Lambic, a marijuana montage, a marine telling us about the time two bottles of Robitussin made him "see (and shoot) penguins" in Kuwait, and a Fat Jerry cartoon short (voiced by Schooly D) featuring alien space invaders from France and a "Parisian booty probe." Um, guys, you've got to be stoned, like, all the time, right?

"Are you saying our content is made by stoners for stoners?" asks Horvitz. "Let me light this joint while I think about that question."

He stops and adds, "We actually got a clip from someone blowing a bong hit in their cat's face. We are still waiting to be attacked by animal rights activists about it."

They may be more than willing to play along with our "for stoners by stoners" assumption, but 633tv takes itself relatively seriously; well, enough to continue crawling toward its long-term goals of hourlong programming blocks, VJs, live broadcasts from local clubs and other aspects of, you know, actual TV stations. When that will actually happen is more of a quality control matter than anything.

"Philadelphia is so full of salty, off-center nutcases — present company included — that we think we'd be hard-pressed to run out of material," says Horvitz. "We just need more video geeks to document it. If it takes us another year to build up the material to represent a slice of this city, we are fine with taking our time."

For now, Schooly and Horvitz have a solid team of local artists and musicians behind them, including their original crew of Mia Johnson, Jim Stager, Amy Bird, Kevin Hanson and Johnny Myers. Not to mention their "spiritual advisor and station mascot" (read: ex-hippie) Leroy Montana, the host of the very bizarre, often hilarious "The Real Down." Last month, 633tv took him to City Hall to "bust balls" and got kicked out "within 15 minutes of setting up."

So what exactly does this all mean and what do Horvitz and company hope their work leads to? He says 633tv is helping define the still infantile stages of online-based television, slyly adding, "Wait five years. You'll be downloading hi-res movies for a fee and watching terrible programming on hundreds of Internet channels, us hopefully being the worst of the worst."

(a_parks@citypaper.net)