Fantasy Island

All the things our little hearts desire.

by Ashlea Halpern

What are Philadelphians' greatest fantasies? What's the one thing they've always wanted to do — or dream about doing while masturbating — that they're too inhibited/cautious/smart to tell a partner about?

Via MySpace and Craigslist, I've compiled several dozen wishful fantasies. Some are boilerplate snoozers (playing footsie at a restaurant, roadside fellatio, etc.); others are so juicily detailed they make the Marquis de Sade look bourgeois. (And to the guy who wants to "make long hard love" to his little sister — that's some serious messed up, dude.)

What follows is a Whitman's Sampler of my favorites. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

"I've always wanted to DP some chick," confesses Jesse, a 24-year-old musician from Fishtown. "The idea of one chick being sandwiched between two guys as she moans with two cocks in her gets me so crazy." Contrarily for Art, a bi guy from the KoP area, the ultimate fantasy finds him having sex with a girl in the missionary position while a man penetrates him from behind.

I was only mildly surprised to learn that many men still fantasize about dominating and humiliating women, usually strangers. Fortysomething engineer Jeff has accounted for every last detail: "Having her gag on my cock. Spitting in her face and calling her my dirty little fucking slut. Then [pissing] all over her. Finally, making her get dressed ... without cleaning herself. She rides the subway home with my cum and piss in her hair."

Bill, who provided no other information about himself, has several D/s fantasies, one of which includes hosting a poker game wherein his girl parades around in a sexy outfit and "services" all the players. In another, he ties her naked to the bed of a pickup truck with a sign that reads, "Honk if you want a fuck." He pulls over every time someone beeps, tapes the encounters and returns home to watch the video, "while she is blindfolded and giving me a blowjob."

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Alan, a construction worker from Jersey. In his fantasy, he's in a room with five "dominant sluts." He's blindfolded and forced to lick each one in turn and guess whose ass is whose. When he's wrong, the hostess "pulls me up by the back of the hair, spits in my face [and] slaps me."

Robby, a 26-year-old lighting designer, vaguely pinpoints his fantasy as having something to do with "corsets and trapeze acts." More specifically, a redhead dressed in a corseted Strawberry Shortcake costume kicking it on a sex swing.

For the ladies, the fantasies are just as nasty, but more involved. They think of the little details — the play-by-play of what he's wearing, how he smells, what he says, etc.

Ashley, a 29-year-old bartender in a committed relationship, wants to screw a guy while her boyfriend watches. "I think about it every time I touch myself," she muses. "I'd be riding the other guy cowgirl [style] while my boyfriend ... jerks off. He'd time his hand to my rhythm." I ask her why she hasn't proposed this to her man, given the popularity of cuckolding.

"Oh, he'd kill him," she laughs. "In a heartbeat."

But would he? Are our lovers as possessive and close-minded as we think they are? Or is the point of a fantasy that it never comes true? Is it akin to an unconsummated lap dance — always just beyond our reach, and thankfully so?

Next week: Return to Fantasy Island.

Questions? Comments? Is she really going out with him? E-mail ashlea.halpern@citypaper.net. No phone calls.