OPINION . Editor's Letter

A Plea for Help

Last week, someone asked me if my job as the editor of this paper ever influenced my novels. How could it not?

by Duane Swierczynski

Published: Mar 7, 2007

Last week, someone asked me if my job as the editor of this paper ever influenced my novels.

How could it not?

I mean, every week I'm treated to a cornucopia of plot ideas that seemingly belong in the world of crime thrillers, but routinely happen in real life. (You don't even have to work at a newspaper to enjoy them. You could pretty much just scan the new Inquirer Cliffs Notes on the back of the sports section.)

My problem is that I can't use very many ideas from real life, because no book editor would believe them.

In this past week alone, we've had ...

... the mayor's brother, currently indicted by the federal government, and who recently spent a few hours in jail for unpaid traffic tickets, standing outside City Hall, draped over a coffin of unknown origin, belting out a religious song with the emotion and vigor of an Italian opera star.

... private eyes, partially bankrolled by a casino, knocking on people's doors because they signed their name on a petition.

... teachers routinely being slapped, punched and beaten to the point of needing dental surgery at West Philadelphia High; meanwhile, a Germantown High teacher is recovering from having his neck snapped by a student.

... a murder rate that relentlessly ticks higher, and higher, and higher.

No wonder a new poll, sponsored by the Economy League of Greater Philadelphia, shows that if 44 percent of the residents of Philadelphia could leave, they would.

Let's just pause on that one.

Forty-four percent.

If you encounter 10 Philadelphians today, four of them secretly wish they could get the hell out of town. And half of one of them would want to split, too.

Makes you wonder: Is it the murders? The beaten teachers? The private eyes?

Milton?

Here's the reason this especially bugs me:

I've been flirting with the idea of becoming part of that 44 percent.

I know — it's a shock to me, too. I'm one of the Philadelphia-est motherfuckers there is. I obsess over this town. Its places. Its history. Its stories.

And yet, I hear the siren call that has ensnared many, many before me.

The siren call, just over the county line.

Thing is, I'm, you know, that demographic: I turned 35 a few weeks back. Got two kids who're rapidly approaching school age. Public school is not an option because I don't want my kids to grow up to snap their algebra teacher's neck. Catholic school? There's nothing wrong with it. But there's nothing right with it, either. That leaves charter schools, which sound great, but I think I would have had to register my unborn children sometime during the Clinton administration in order for my kids to attend one.

So that leaves two options: home-schooling (which we're doing now, and might keep on doing) or ... God, it honestly pains me to type it ... feel like my fingers are going to break ... movetothesuburbs.

My wife and I have gone so far as to drive around certain suburbs — which shall go unnamed, lest I piss off potential future neighborhoods before I start to pack a single box — trying to pick up the vibe. Of course, there wasn't much of a vibe. That's why they're suburbs.

But they have the good schools. And decent Chick-Fil-As.

It's all very depressing.

Can I still write about the city, even if I'm living a few steps over the county line?

Somebody help me. Help me before I turn into Chris Satullo.

Say It to My Face

I try to keep self-promotion to the bare minimum in this column (I've even avoided using the word "blonde" for the past three months), but I'd be remiss not to mention my upcoming appearance at Robin's Books. I'll be there for an "evening of mystery" on Wednesday, March 14, with D.H. Dublin, the author of the grisly and excellent Body Trace. The event starts at 7 p.m., but you'll probably be able to catch us an hour before around the corner at McGillin's Ale House. Standing offer: Anybody who buys the editor in chief a beer receives a mention in this column.

If I'm toying with the idea of moving out, why not sell out, too?

(duane@citypaper.net)

 

Comments

Please don't refer to yourself as "one of the Philadelphia-est motherfuckers there is" when you are going to follow that up with a ridiculously short-sighted and prejudiced statement like "Public school is not an option because I don't want my kids to grow up to snap their algebra teacher's neck."
We too are part of "that demographic" and have opted to send our daughter to a public school where we plan to be involved. Many of my neighbors, colleagues and their children attended public school right here in Philadelphia. As far as I know, not one of them has snapped their algebra teacher's neck. I write this as I read, yet again, of another teacher assault. Yet I stand by my belief that the students who are committing these heinous acts are a tiny minority of public school students. Do not disparage the entire public school system because of them.
In addition to the most obvious problem the school system is facing (funding), it also faces the irrational fear these types of prejudices inspire. If more people took the time to seriously weigh public schooling as an option and be involved in the process and education of their children instead of fleeing to the supposed safety of the suburbs there might be a groundswell of improvement. This has happened to some degree in select schools but it is only made more difficult by such insensitive rash remarks as yours.
by blastula99 on March 9th 2007 4:38 PM

I agree with the previous comment. Schools in the suburbs have problems, many as scary as the ones you describe. Run there if you must, but if you go there, you will have to be involved in the schools there. Why not be part of the solution in Philadelphia and be an advocate for parental involvement in your local public school?
by fromthesuburbs on March 12th 2007 9:25 AM

Thanks to you both for your thoughts. My comment about snapping a teacher's neck was intended to be tongue-in-cheek--I don't honestly think public schools turn children into killers. I was reacting as a parent, horrified by the news.

I most appreciate your suggestion about getting involved. You're absolutely right; the only way to change something is to dive in and fight for what you think is right. This, however, is easier said than done. I'm sure the parents fighting for better public schools feel like the Spartans in Zach Snyder's 300--overwhelmed by the forces you mention: lack of funding, prejudice, fear.

I'm going to write about schools in my editor's letter this week. Again, thanks for your suggestions and feedback. It helps a great deal.
by DuaneSwier on March 12th 2007 10:29 AM



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