NEWS

The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter


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Published: Apr 11, 2007

Although Bob Brady has promised to fight no-bid contracts and nepotism, four members of his family currently benefit from those things, says Inky. "I was just kidding," says Brady. "Take my wife ... please!" Minus 4

Philly's brand-new Gun Violence Task Force issues warrants for people who buy guns for people who can't legally buy guns themselves. When giving guns to outlaws is outlawed, only outlaws will have given guns to outlaws. Plus 3

About 30 sick or aged trees will be removed from along Kelly Drive. By four members of Bob Brady's family. Even

A new 21-page report titled "A Tale of Two Cities" says Philadelphia's work force is largely undereducated and underemployed. Uh doyyyyeee Minus B

St. Joe's issues apology after the April Fools' edition of its student newspaper calls Cardinal Rigali "gay." "Furthermore," says university, "The Cardinal has never, as you may have heard around campus, dispensed Dirty Sanchezes on Ash Wednesday, delivered Danza Slaps on the Sabbath nor given handjobs on Palm Sunday." Minus 2

Robert Fuller Houston, a North Philly man who collects circus memorabilia, says the city should build a circus museum. Wait, then what's the Liberty Museum? Plus 3

A local chemist dedicates himself to helping people whose rare metabolic condition makes them smell like garbage or rotting fish. When the entire population of Fairmount has it, doesn't it cease to be "rare"? Plus 2

Shortstop Jimmy Rollins is heckled at Shea Stadium after declaring the Phillies the team to beat in the NL East. See Jimmy: There's one place like home. Minus 2

The Flyers end the season with the worst record in their 40-year history. "I'd go so far as to say we were the team to beat," says Mike Knuble. Minus 2

Total Pluses: 8

Total Minuses: 10

This Week's Total: -2

Last Week's Total: -5