The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

	print	email	reply	rss feed

Published: Apr 18, 2007

Chaka Fattah bets Tom Knox $1 million that he can pull off Philadelphia International Airport lease deal. Knox then offers $1 million for "one night with any of the candidates' wives." Plus 1

Firefighter/rapper Cal Akbar won't apologize for inflammatory anti-cop lyrics. Neither would Eazy-E. And he's dead. Minus 1

School District chief Paul Vallas announces he will leave position two years before contract expires. "You! All right? We learned it from watching you!" say future high school dropouts. Minus 4

Mayoral candidates agree that the next mayor should have say in appointing Vallas' successor. Cuz Bob Brady's got an out-of-work second cousin who drove past a school one time. Plus 2

Fire inspector discovers more than 800 pounds of small-arms ammunition stored in a room in City Hall. "At least it wasn't a gorilla," says inspector. "Oh, wait ..." Minus 8

Michael Nutter envisions Philly-themed apparel line based on New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg's New York City Store. "In fact," says Nutter, "I'm wearing the 'Philadelphia Freedom' assless chaps right now. Wheeee! Al fresco!" Plus 1

Streets Department admits anti-skid cinders put down on streets during winter are hard to clean. "We thought about telling you that, like, in the winter," says spokesman. "But we're wholly committed to our 'Fuck You, Fuck All Y'All' campaign." Minus 2

Bob Brady takes stage at Kimmel Center to receive $5,000 check from Jerry Blavat. Blavat later forced to write out a replacement after original check made out to "My Man Pots and Pans, Bobaphonic Bradaladle Bobitty Bob-a-lob-a-ding-dong" could not be cashed. Even

Coalition asks Mayor Street to end city contracts with bottled-water companies. Street agrees, gives no-bid deal to Crazy Milton's Most Deliciousest Mugs o' Schuylkill.Plus 2

Total Pluses: 6

Total Minuses: 15

This Week's Total: -9

Last Week's Total: -2

 

Life Row
Testing Subject
The Arms of an Angel
Dwight's Plight
Back to Schools
Endorsement Check
Maria Quiñones Sanchez
Arts and Culture
Ask A Candidate