The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Citing decades-old law, L&I shuts down Philadelphia-area fortune tellers and psychic businesses. "Dear Lazy Piece-of Shit Philly journalists, Actually, we did see it coming. Sincerely, Psychics. P.S. This letter was written three weeks ago." Even

Tom Knox and Jannie Blackwell ponder Rendell/Street-esque alliance. If that doesn't work, they'll try a Richie Rich/Irona arrangement. Minus 2

Relatively unknown QB Kevin Kolb drafted by Eagles. McNabb throws up in his Shirley Temple. Plus 1

Philadelphia Orchestra multicasts performance to foreign countries, including Portugal and Denmark. One classical music fan says thank you into his mouse and waves at the screen. Plus 1

Philadelphia ranks second in top 100 worst cities for people suffering from asthma. Man, we are a bunch of second-place chokers. Minus 7

American Lung Association places Philly 24th on list of most polluted cities in the country. The ALA should grow a pair. Minus 3

Eagles cut "Bowtie Guy" Dhani Jones. Jones does a little dance, says something baffling, resumes dancing. Plus 2

Ed Rendell requests that kitchen remodeling advertisement featuring his likeness be removed from circulation. You can see his nipple. Even

The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan's new thriller about aliens who can control plants and animals, to begin shooting in July. The surprise twist? Bruce Willis is dead. And a fern. That's allergic to water. Plus 1

Total Pluses: 5

Total Minuses: 12

This Week's Total: -7

Last Week's Total: 4