Ultimate Summer Fun Guide: July

Turn off your mind, relax and float through July.

Illustration | Jeffrey Bouchard

Sunday, July 1

Hit the pavement, cheesesteak fiends: It's 18 weeks till the Philadelphia Marathon, so for beginners who want to start training, today's the day. Race coordinators have teamed up with Active Trainer coaches, who've developed online programs to get you thinking less like Homer and more like Rocky, complete with weekly training tips, customized programs, training logs and much more to get you off your ass. $34.98, www.philadelphiamarathon.com, http://training.active.com. �CH

For total immersion in Pennsylvania German traditions, the Kutztown Pennsylvania German Festival (formerly the Kutztown Folk Festival) is the ultimate. An entire barn full of quilts for sale, mouth-watering food (juicy ham, shoofly pie!), demonstrations of how to work a farm with actual horses. Handcrafts like tinsmithing, candle-dipping and paper-cutting are performed throughout the day. If it's Pennsylvania Dutch, it'll be here. June 30-July 8, 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Kutztown Fairgrounds, 888-674-6136, www.kutztownfestival.com. �MA

By the time the fireworks hit the skies on the Fourth of July, you know you'll be too full of barbecue and beer to pay any attention. For milder, more family-oriented fun, trek out to Longwood Gardens' Fireworks & Fountains show the night before. Sparks'll fly to the tune of patriotic music that'll make you feel all red, white and blue inside. 9:15 p.m., $14-$30 (includes admission and parking), Longwood Gardens, 1001 Longwood Road, Kennett Square, 610-388-1000, ext. 100, www.longwoodgardens.com. �CH

Wednesday, July 4

America turns 231 today, so celebrate with founding fathers of yacht rock Hall & Oates at their free concert on the Parkway. The Philly vets will breeze through their greatest hits as a prelude to a righteous fireworks display. Because your kiss (your kiss) is on their list. 8:30-11 p.m., free, Ben Franklin Parkway, www.americasbirthday.com. �JS

The closer you get to Pottsville, the better the Yuengling tastes. If you're at least 21, and like beer and baseball, go to the Reading Phillies Beer Tasting Festival for two hours of drinking, an all-you-can-eat meat-laden buffet, and seats at a minor league game. Pool-side whistle-wetters include imported and domestic beers and Mike's Hard Lemonade. Groups of eight score their own troughs, er, tables. 6 p.m., $25 per person, Reading Phillies, 1900 Centre Ave. at Route 61 South, Reading, 610-370-BALL, www.readingphillies.com. �NHM

Just a tip: The last song Built to Spill plays will be about 22 minutes of noise. 8:30 p.m., $20, Electric Factory, 421 N. Seventh St., 215-336-2000, www.livenation.com. �PR

Just a tip: Every song Tortoise plays will be about 22 minutes of jazzy post-rock noodling. 7:30 p.m., $16, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400, www.worldcafelive.com. �BH

A pie-eating contest � ain't that America? Wear your patriotism proudly (on your face) during the Blueberry Festival at Linvilla Orchards. It's a kid-friendly day with visits from Cookie Monster and Sully from Monsters Inc. , but you'll find plenty to do, too, mostly thinking up creative (read: dirty) uses for blueberries. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., free, Linvilla Orchards, 137 W. Knowlton Road, Media, 610-876-7116, www.linvilla.com. �MB

If your idea of adventure is floating down a river on an inner tube, hit up the Philadelphia Canoe Club Open House. This group of whitewater rafting, canoeing and kayaking enthusiasts organizes excursions year-round. Tour the waterfront clubhouse facilities, chat with fearless river rats and overcome that nagging, (mostly) irrational fear of drowning in a capsized kayak. Noon-3 p.m., free, 4900 Ridge Ave., 215-487-9674, www.philacanoe.org. �ME

If you do it in a public space and behind a book, is it still voyeurism? No? Then get your creepy self down to the Rittenhouse Square Fountain, sit down along the edge, and enjoy the show. Observe as a rotating cast of Center City adults, kids and dogs sit down and take tentative steps toward conversation, friendship and maybe even mating. Free, Rittenhouse Square Park (between 18th and 20th streets and Walnut and Locust streets). �GM

You know how they say it's easier to get liquored up at a high altitude? Test that theory by drinking beer on a roof. Down some brews in the burning sun or try to make out some stars while doing shots of tequila. Re-create that scene from The Shawshank Redemption, sans tar. Just make sure the it's structurally sound, legal and don't fall off. �ME

Wednesday, July 11

The Frame Shop and Gallery in Lambertville, N.J., will basically be a monkey business this summer with Sock Monkeys Rule! When Sock Monkeys Inspire Art. The three artists in this exhibit created portraits of the red-smiling, ruby-posteriored sock monkeys in fellow artist Ellen Golak’s collection. Not enough monkeying around? Grab a sock monkey kit from www.sockmonkeylady.com and make your own. The Frame Shop and Gallery, 39 N. Main St., Lambertville, N.J., 609-397-8939. â€â€�KP 

Those with less-than-beach-ready bodies should ditch the shore and listen to New York Times science reporter Gina Kolata discuss her new book Rethinking Thin: The New Science of Weight Loss � And the Myths and Realities of Dieting. The book examines how scientific understanding contributes to current views on obesity, and may inspire some self-righteous ice-cream consumption by the time you leave. 7 p.m., free, Free Library: Central Branch, 19th Street and Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-567-4341, www.library.phila.gov. �GM

Napkins are such a drag. At the NJ State Barbeque Championship, chow down on BBQ from the area's hottest meat masters. And when things get sticky, dip your face in the ocean. The weekend also features crafts, antique cars and live blues. 5-11 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Saturday, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Sunday, free, 201 New Jersey Ave., North Wildwood, N.J., 609-523-6565, www.njbbq.com. �MB

In case you didn't know, Philadelphia boasts one of the world's most prominent penal landmarks in Eastern State. This year, like always, Fairmount Avenue's grimmest heap will serve as the centerpiece of the Alliance Francaise's Bastille Day celebration and re-enactment. I'm hoping for a lot of fake blood. And free cake. 2 p.m. start, street party and re-enactment, free, www.easternstate.org/events/bastille.php. �JB

Take your hybrid up to Lancaster County for the first-ever Great Green America Festival. Along with rock climbing and musician rocking, the festival will help you heat and cool your home efficiently and learn how biofuel is grown. Or treat your city-cycle to some country gravel in the Metric Century Bike tour on Sunday. Proceeds from most every activity benefit Ducks Unlimited for habitat conservation. Not a greenie? There's always the microbrewery for some anti-gas-guzzling toasts. 11 a.m.-8 p.m., on the grounds of Mount Hope Estate & Winery, 2775 Lebanon Road, Manheim, 717-665-7021, www.parenfaire.com. �KP

On any given Summerday in Philadelphia, or on most warm weekends, anyway, you will find small bands of ragtag futbol (OK, soccer) loyalists combing highways and byways of our fair city for a proper pitch (Drexel's outdoor turf or Edgley Field in Fairmount for starters). Soccer can be a common denominator for disparate cultures. A world-class city should appreciate the world's beautiful game. �MFD

Round up your amigos and head to Ninth Street for a taco taste test. Savor the guacamole at Plaza Garibaldi (935 Washington Ave.); consume the campechano at Taqueria La Veracruzana (908 Washington Ave.); belly up to the window counter at Prima Pizza Taqueria (1104 S. Ninth St.); treat your tongue to tongue (lengua) tacos (weird!) at Restaurant Acapulco (1144 S. Ninth St.); eye up the tacos de ojo (ew! eyes!) at Los Taquitos de Puebla (1149 S. Ninth St.); and wrap up your tortilla tour with individually priced tacos at La Lupe (1201 S. Ninth St.). $2-$13, South Ninth Street between Washington and Passyunk avenues. �JD

Really, there have gotta be easy cracks about Paula, Simon and Randy, but watching American Idol would be too high a price for journalistic authority. So, insert your very own witty quip here. And do catch Philadelphia's Urban Idol 2007. Brave teenagers will be judged on stage presence, projection and tonal quality. 6 p.m., free, Philadelphia Recreation Department, Rivera Recreation Center (July 18) and Kingsessing Recreation Center (July 19), 215-683-3633, www.phila.gov/recreation/latest_news/Urban_Idol/urban_idol.html. �CV

If you missed the banjos and dancing in January, you've got a second chance at the Summer Mummers Concerts (Every Thursday through Sept. 27). On this night, bring your folding chairs, camouflaged beer and a tiny umbrella for a show by the Woodland String Band. The rickety stage, light-strewn trees and classic songs make for an old-timey, feel-good evening under the stars.7 p.m., free, behind the Mummers Museum, Second Street and Washington Avenue, www.mummers.com. �ME

By this point in the summer, your hibachi has seen more premade patties and Hebrew Nationals than is really strictly good for you. You could pick up something a little different, like the buffalo in the Whole Foods butcher's case, but why don't you grill something really strange instead, like D'Angelo Brothers' farm-raised, naturally fed, humanely harvested, government inspected ... rattlesnake. Market price, D'Angelo Brothers, 909 S. Ninth St., 215-923-5637, www.dangelobros.com/game.htm. �JB

Attention all muggles: Slap a lightning bolt on your forehead, hop on your favorite broomstick and get yourself to Borders, stat! As if you sorcerer wannabes didn't already know, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, supposedly J.K. Rowlings' last in the series, hits shelves at midnight Saturday. Donning your Hermione outfit won't get you a discount, but don't let that stop you. Midnight, $20.99, Borders Books & Music, 1 S. Broad St., 215-568-7400, www.bordersstores.com. �CH

Sunday, July 22

Put on your deck shoes and boat to Bartram's Gardens. Take a cruise along the Hidden River (as we Dutch Americans call it) to the oldest botanical gardens in the country, enjoying the sights and smells along the way. Before disembarking to tour the National Historic Landmark Bartram House and rolling gardens, the RiverLoop guides will share the mighty Schuylkill's secrets with you. 1 p.m., $25, Schuylkill River Development Corporation, depart from Walnut Street Dock, 215-222-6030, ext. 103, www.schuylkillbanks.org/home.aspx. �CV

Another summer Monday, miles to go before Labor Day, and our City Paper Nostradamus says it's gonna be a scorcher. Skip the iced coffee and indulge in every flavor of Wawa iced tea for your caffeine fix. If you successfully tackle all 12 varieties (a thirsty dozen!) without going into shock, you win a sleepless night � whether you want it or not. Wawa, various locations, www.wawa.com. �JD

With a new gig as Liz Claiborne's chief creative officer in addition to duties as style guru on Bravo's Project Runway, Tim Gunn cannot be stopped. Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste & Style hit bookstores in May and serves as the basis for yet another soon-to-air Bravo series. Gunn and co-author Kate Moloney will appear at the Free Library to explain how to find and maintain one's own signature style. 7 p.m., free, Free Library: Central Branch, 19th Street and Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-567-4341, www.library.phila.gov. �CN

Guaranteed to make you feel bad about your midsummer torpor and the hours you've spent in front of the air conditioner too sapped by the humidity to venture outside, Bruce Buschel's reading from his book Walking Broad � about, umm, walking the length of Broad Street � might just make you get off your ass. And if this event doesn't ring your bell, might I suggest a walk? 7 p.m., free, Free Library: Central Branch, 19th Street and Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-567-4341, www.library.phila.gov. �JB

Lez Zeppelin is only the first of what I hope will be a summerful of schticky rock tribute bands. Green Gay. Three Dog Knights. White Dude Lion. Black Guy Sabbath. Italien Ant Farm. Not Living Colour. 7:30 p.m., $15-$17, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400, www.worldcafelive.com. �PR

Screw that "pound of flesh" thing. The closest you'll come to that disturbing Shakespearean allusion at the Merchant of Venice Seafood Festival is maybe a pound of fish. Or crab. Or clams. Chow down between amusement rides and visits to the crafts tables. Then stick around for that crazy-ass Night in Venice Boat Parade on Saturday. 5-9 p.m., Asbury Avenue from Sixth Street to Eighth Street, Ocean City, 609-525-9300, www.oceancityvacation.com/events.htm. �MB

Why go all the way to the Poconos when you can kayak in your own metaphorical backyard? After a 30-minute lesson on how not to capsize, you'll depart from the Walnut Street Dock on a guided moonlit tour of the Schuylkill River, ending at Fairmount Water Works. You can have your own kayak or a tandem model for you and a sweetheart. Just leave your iPod at home. 7:30 p.m., $35 (single), $55 (double), Schuylkill Banks, 2929 Arch St., 215-222-6030, ext. 100, www.schuylkillbanks.org. �NHM

While traveling between New York, Europe and Africa in the 1930s, African-American modernist William H. Johnson was influenced by some of the most pivotal artistic movements of his time. William H. Johnson's World on Paper reveals the scope of those influences, in works that capture the vitality of European landscapes and Harlem cityscapes alike. Eighty works on paper � including paintings, woodblock prints and screen prints � illustrate his transition from celebrated abstract expressionist to innovative folk-artist. May 19-Aug. 12, free with admission, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 26th Street and Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-763-8100, www.philamuseum.org. �MW

You're dead, and they're loving it. Today the convention of the National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association kicks off (sorry) at the Pennsylvania Convention Center. Want to pick up a hot, young, hard-workin' minion of the Grim Reaper at Reading Terminal? Try this line: "Hey, is that a hemostat in your pocket?" Or: "You should see me topless. And by topless, I mean with the skin completely peeled back from my torso, exposing the blood-buttered muscle beneath." www.paconvention.com. �DS

Philly is alive and filled with the sound of music � at least for one night, when the von Trapp Children perform with Peter Nero and the Philly Pops. The great-grandchildren of Capt. von Trapp � Sofia (18), Melanie (16), Amanda (15) and Justin (12) � are singing European and American folk and classical songs as well as tunes from of the 1965 movie the first made the von Trapp family famous. 8 p.m., $20-$70, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 5201 Parkside Ave., 215-546-7900, ext. 100, www.manncenter.org. �MJ