The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Lame duck Councilman Juan Ramos introduces legislation to help SugarHouse Casino acquire building permits. Then he shows how good he is at shuffling cards, counting chips and repairing slot machines. Minus 6

Gov. Ed Rendell uses extended Lord of the Rings metaphor to drum up SEPTA support for tax proposal. Kind of reminds us of when Wilson Goode used that Apocalypse Now analogy to defend Operation Osage. Plus 1

Federal prosecutors have audio tapes of Vincent Fumo, but will not use them as evidence in the upcoming corruption trial. Say feds: "What the fuck we going to do with 200 hours of 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall,who's the sexiest state senator of them all?'" Minus 1

Philadelphia Zoo tiger Kira gives birth to three cubs. Bears? The tiger had bears?! Plus 3

For next project, M. Night Shyamalan says he needs "two teen boys." To write Unbreakable 2. Even

Former Flyer Rick Tocchet pleads guilty to running massive sports gambling ring. "Basically it was all business up front," admits Tocchet. "The party was in the back." Minus 2

Delaware River Port Authority accepting bids for Ben Franklin Bridge repainting project. Shhh, nobody tell the mural arts lady. Even

Teen crashes ATV into police cruiser. C'mon, YouTube. Plus 10

Proposed ordinance would require testing and licensing for city's historical tour guides. This is the biggest affront to our freedoms since Ben Franklin and Leon Huff imposed tariffs on soft pretzels outside the Historic Ghostbusters Building. Plus 2

Total Pluses: 16
Total Minuses: 9
This Week's Total: 7
Last Week's Total: 11