Buttercakes

Butterball

by Monica Weymouth

This little bakery on the border of the Northeast serves up buttercake in its truest, messiest, butteriest form. The bottom layer of sponge cake is minimal and almost completely lost beneath the gooey topping. Half of the sugary sludge ends up on the bottom of the box, so get ready to lick some cardboard. Fruit-topped varieties are available for the fake health-conscious.

Philly has long been topping buttercakes with assorted sweets, but these guys go as far as to fold crunchy bits of toffee into the batter. This results in cavity-on-the-spot sweetness. Each dense slice is served up with a generous brownie wedge for a whole new way to say "screw you" to your blood sugar level.

Buttercake purists will approve of Mayfair Bakery's classic, no-frills version. They've been putting junk in the Northeast's trunk since 1965, and their recipes haven't changed. As the adorable women behind the counter promise, the only ingredients are "lots of sugar and lots of butter." Pick up one of their lemon crumb squares to make it a balanced meal.

Considering trans fat is an essential ingredient in its famous iced pound cake, it's no surprise this Port Richmond bakery can do a proper buttercake, too. They suggest you call ahead, but if you get there close to their 8 a.m. opening, you might get lucky.

Despite the abundance of buttercaking joints in Mayfair, you should call ahead to guarantee a slice from this German bakery tucked into a strip of rowhouses. The crunchier crust on this one makes for much cleaner fingers. On Fridays and Saturdays, they make a special round variety topped with your choice of peaches, blueberries or cherries.