The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Philly American Idol auditions draw over 20,000 hopefuls, the most of any city this summer. And once again, Philadelphia misses its chance to use 100 Zamboni machines to clear the stupid from the southernmost point of the city and let the raging waters of the mighty Delaware do the rest. Even

Merion residents file lawsuit against Barnes Foundation in an attempt to halt move to Center City. Here's an idea: Why don't we find out who Barnes was, dig up his bones and we'll all beat each other over the head with them? Cool? Minus 8

Gov. Ed Rendell called to appear for jury selection. Strangely enough, the defense wasn't too keen on having a former kill-crazy DA on the panel. Even

SugarHouse and Foxwoods casinos claim they should be granted leniency in purchasing $50 million state gaming licenses due to delays caused by activists and City Council. "And blowjobs," they add. "We'd all like blowjobs." Minus 9

Three candidates opposing longtime Northwest Philly Councilwoman Donna Reed Miller consider joining forces to beat incumbent. For the plan to work, they'll need a really long trench coat with three sets of arms. Even

Federal appeals court denies former city treasurer Corey Kemp's bid to have 2005 City Hall bugging case conviction overturned. "I'd like a blowjob, too," adds Kemp. Even

Drexel student Colin George wins $3,000 from Visa for video short about bad credit. It's called Compounding Mae's Fannie — With Interest! Plus 1

Fresh Air's Terry Gross to play herself on upcoming Simpsons episode. Gross expected to struggle mightily with being animated. Plus 2

Philly to host International Faerie Convention this fall. Wipe the froth off your face, Marcavage, it's not what you think. Plus 2

Total Pluses: 5

Total Minuses: 17

This Week's Total: -12

Last Week's Total: -53