The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Garrett Reid back in court after trace amounts of morphine show up in drug test. "Oh, now morphine's illegal, too?" says Garrett. "Fuck me. Next you'll tell me it's illegal to crush up oxys, mix 'em with suppositories and horse tranquilizers, melt it all in a spoon and shoot it up my dick hole. Gawd." Even

Taxi Workers Alliance strikes in protest of flawed GPS system. "Plus we could use the day off," says one driver. "I'd forgotten what it was like to eat at a table or pee in a toilet." Even

UPenn Dean of Admissions Lee Stetson, a 30-year veteran, resigns abruptly without explaining why. Maybe he just got tired of some legacy in a gray sweatshirt calling him "guy." Even

UPenn and Brandywine Realty Trust announce plans for Cira Centre South, a multi-skyscraper residential, commercial and hotel complex on 30th Street. West Philly's more fun when you sleep 40 stories above it. Plus 1

Successful Youth Violence Reduction Partnership loses vital state funding. Remember those pictures from the Saigon airlift? Get those Cira Centre South towers up fast! Minus 5

Former Independence Seaport Museum head John Carter, who defrauded the institution out of more than $1 million, will be sentenced Oct. 22. To a Viking funeral. Plus 1

Former Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey asks critics of embattled Idaho Sen. Larry Craig to "fill their hearts with compassion and equanimity." And fill their cabinets with Israeli boy toys. Plus 1

Local indie film explicit ills. will star Rosario Dawson, Paul Dano and The Roots' Black Thought in a drama about "the effects of drugs and poverty." So, who's playing Malik B? Plus 1

M. Night Shyamalan stages bloody death scene for new film on 69th Street in Overbrook Farms. Or did he? Yes. But did he really? Pretty sure. Are you? Yep. Plus 1

Total Pluses: 5

Total Minuses: -5

This Week's Total: 0

Last Week's Total: -12