In The Event That...

You Need to Talk the Plank

by Kaitlyn Foti

International Talk Like a Pirate DayWed., Sept. 19, 7-9 p.m., $4 (free for those dressed like a pirate), Independence Seaport Museum, 211 S. Columbus Blvd., 215-413-8655, www.phillyseaport.org

As if we needed another excuse to drink rum and plunder for booty, Sept. 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. In honor of the holiday, the Independence Seaport Museum is inviting mates to buckle their washes and shiver some timbers in their rooftop amphitheater with a screening of Blackbeard. (Rumor has it that the fearless fellow once roamed the streets of Philadelphia.) A complimentary eye patch will help you follow in the footsteps of the notorious buccaneer.

For all you landlubbers, here are a few quick lessons to improve your shipside vernacular:

— Replace the word "my" with "me," and drop the letter "g" at the end of every word. Also, use "be" instead of "am" or "are." For example: "Argg! You be drinkin' all the rum in me cabin!"

— Use "avast," an emphatic term, as much as possible. For example: "Avast! That's a lot of rum!"

— "Bilge rat" is a classic pirate insult. "Bilge" is the lowest level of a ship, so this person is the lowest of all rodents. For example: "What bilge rat drank all the rum?"

— Always refer to currency as "doubloons." For example: "Avast! You bilge rat! You be owin' me quite a few doubloons for all that rum! Argg!"