The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Phillies eliminated from National League Division Series. Which means, Donovan, next time you get sacked a dozen times, someone will notice. Minus 7

Jon Runyan embraces burgeoning commercial acting career. Crushes it accidentally. "Aw, dis is juss wha' happen to my rebbits." Even

Bail set at $1 million each for area funeral directors accused of harvesting body parts from cadavers. "In other words, an arm and a leg," one jokes. "Oh man, I am a sick fuck and I'm going to jail." Even

Utility company instructs Norristown area to boil drinking water, the third such advisory in as many weeks. This being Norristown, watch for rash of trips to ER for drinking boiling water. Plus 5

Convention Center Authority board opposes Ed Rendell proposition that would give state final say on center operations. Aw, wittle authority thinks it can negotiate with monkeyman. Even

Beanie Siegel turns himself in to police in connection with unauthorized use of Nissan Altima rental car. Post-it on Beanie's fridge: "Cred slipping. Re-shoot self soon?" Plus 5

Temperate weather helps local farmers grow successful pumpkin crops. Fun fact: Temperate weather also extends seasonal melon displays. Plus 2

October temperatures hit record high in Philly. "Whoa. These pumpkins are getting pret-ty fucking huge," say wary farmers. Plus 2

CBS3 traffic reporter Bob Kelly involved in three-car accident off Woodhaven Road. Also, Hurricane Schwartz got swept away by a flash-flood warning. Plus 2

Total Pluses: 16

Total Minuses: 7

This Week's Total: 9

Last Week's Total: 12