Notice Served

Why do so many Restaurant Week-goers crap out when eating out?

by Nadia Stadnycki

At a $35-per-three-course minimum, Restaurant Week has drawn patrons to Center City locales in droves all week long. With a few clicks on centercityphila.org/restaurantweek, you can make a reservation online, find your parking spot nearby (diners get discounted parking with meal receipt) and enter a contest to win dinner for a year.

Tragically missing in these info options is a link to prepare the inexperienced for their fine-dining experience. The degeneration of patron behavior during this week is so striking that we in the restaurant industry might as well be watching a Super Bowl in which Tom Brady rides the bench. After 11 years in the business, including three consecutive years working Restaurant Week at three different establishments, I have noted some universal blunders. What you interpret as a smile and a nod is really our disguised disdain for your lack of manners. As you'll never get this brutal honesty from a server trying to make his or her rent money off your tips, pay attention to the following restaurant etiquette so you don't look like an idiot at the table.

1.) Dress the part, not the price. Let go of the idea that getting a meal cheaper makes it a cheap meal or a cheap establishment. A restaurant serving you a steak plus two courses for $35 is on par with a friend inviting you over and serving you Veuve on a Tuesday night just because. Show respect for the place by adhering to the dress code. Your sneakers and your holey Abercrombie jeans give us a headache right between the eyes.

2.) Honor your reservation. That reservation you booked online? Show up for it five minutes early. This is a high-volume week. More than any other time, reservations flat out don't show up. If you're 20 minutes late, don't get all huffy when we've given your table to the guy who can read his watch. Some of you indecisive folk make several reservations for the same night. If you need to cancel, call a day beforehand so we can entertain someone else.

3.) Mind your manners. There is a common misconception that servers get some kind of masochistic delight from being talked down to and berated — particularly in fine dining. Not the case. Responding to our "Good evening, folks" with "Two iced teas" and no eye contact is not polite. The words "hello," "please" and "thank you" are appreciated.

HALF OFF DEPOT

Why live life at full price?

4.) Silverware everywhere. At a coursed meal, the silverware setup is admittedly confusing. Start outside and work inward. It's hard to stifle a giggle when we see you stabbing at pork osso buco with your salad fork and butter knife. The fork and spoon at the top of your plate are for dessert.

5.) Trust us, we're professionals. Don't be pretentious and demand unnecessary changes and requests. It slows the kitchen and you look like a rookie. I was once asked to "produce the vintage" on a bottle of white zinfandel. Just let us wine and dine you. We put thought into our selections and recommendations.

6.) Check, please? Tip 20 percent minimum. Consider that your meal usually costs about three times as much. Your server is already taking a pay cut for the week so Philly can go out in style. Last year, a party of seven ate four courses each (all drinking water with lemon) and tipped me a whopping $12 on a $280 bill. Look, nothing will explode if you throw in a little extra gratuity.

We realize it might be your first time at a fancy place, but you don't need to overcompensate with inappropriate behavior. If you don't know something, ask us. Maybe you'll take more from your dining experience than a full stomach and a credit card slip.

You can probably guess what Nadia Stadnycki does for a living. She's also a CP intern.