The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Democratic ward leaders endorse state Sen. Vince Fumo for re-election despite pending corruption case. "Put him in a cage, surround it with electrified razor wire and a moat full of nut-tied aqua-badgers, and then we'll talk," they say. Minus 7

Charges filed against Mount Airy Casino Resort owner who allegedly lied to Gaming Control Board regarding relationships with mobsters. Still earns endorsement from Democratic ward leaders. Minus 3

Arlen Specter has yet to hear back from NFL on whether New England Patriots illegally taped Eagles prior to Super Bowl XXXIX. Doesn't matter, stupid Freddie Mitchell gave them expressed written consent. Minus 2

Britt Reid headed to MontCo drug treatment facility for 15 months. Pop quiz: If someone needs 89 rectal pills to get through one week, how many pills must one shove up dat ass to last 65 weeks? See bottom of the page for Answer!* Even

Former pro soccer player Nick Sakiewicz signs on to run potential MLS franchise in Philadelphia. No fucking shit, we got Nick Sakiewicz? THE Nick Sakiewicz?? What amazing luck!!! Even

Gov. Ed Rendell provides funding for 100 additional Philly police officers. In the K-9 unit! And they're all pugs! OMG! Plus 9

Philadelphia Zoo acquires Jing Li, a female red panda, to serve as a companion for male red Sparkler. How can the zoo have all these pandas and not name one of them Ying Ling? Plus 3

The Hooters release Time Stand Still, the band's first album since the mid-'90s. Sorry guys. Time move on. Plus 1

Total Pluses: 13

Total Minuses: 12

This Week's Total: 1

Last Week's Total: 0

*Answer: 5,785