The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Development firm Walnut Street Capital announces plans for a 1,500-foot skyscraper that will be the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. "Welp, now I'm going to have to climb down from here and break Chase Utley's legs," says William Penn. "You make me do this. I don't wanna do this but you make me." Plus 5

Mayor Nutter's campaign ads win national award from the American Association of Political Consultants. "ME WIN ROCK," says Bob Brady, holding up a rock. "ME LUV NEW ROCK." Plus 2

Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky resigns as Democratic Party committee member. Succeeded by Dan Gross. First order of business: Alycia Lane — hot mess or just hot? Even

City homicides down 28 percent from this time last year. "Hi, I'm Michael Nutter. I am the luckiest motherfucker on the face of the Earth." Plus 6

Barack Obama delivers powerful, "racially pointed" speech at National Constitution Center. Hillary Clinton counters with "sexually pointed" speech at Crazy Horse Too. Plus 4

Customer kidnapped in front of Delaware Avenue Best Buy. Three mauled by minotaur at nearby IKEA. Minus 3

Villanova, Temple and St. Joe's earn NCAA tournament bids. La Salle earns enough Skeeball tickets to get a badass skull lighter. Plus 3

Ralph Archbold, better known as the city's foremost Ben Franklin portrayer, to marry Betsy Ross portrayer. "But shall I ever know love?" asks Kasimir Pulaski portrayer. "Who longs to unbuckle my breeches?" Plus 7

Total Pluses: 27

Total Minuses: 3

This Week's Total: 24

Last Week's Total: 10