The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Daily News finds identity-theft bombshell Jocelyn Kirsch working in California Starbucks while awaiting trial. Tomorrow: "What'd Josie order at In-N-Out Burger?" Minus Grande

Vandals ransack campaign office of Christian DiCicco; state House candidate accuses John Dougherty of the deed. "I'm tired of your excuses," fumes Frank DiCicco. "Now go clean up your room, Chrissy." Minus 1

Opponents of Barnes Foundation ask judge to approve new hearings. You know what? Keep it. Keep all the artwork. You're boring us. This is boring. Stop being so boring. Minus 10

State Senate candidate Larry Farnese accused of being a "Fumo surrogate" by opponents. "Surrogate isn't quite right," he says. "I'm a sock puppet. Literally. Yes, that's a hand up my ass." Even

Obama's characterization of grandmother as a "typical white person" during WIP interview ignites national controversy. Making it the biggest scandal out of the station since the Eskin/Incaviglia "Twister incident" of 1994. Minus 5

Police find more than 100 chickens, 20 ducks, a hawk, 11 pit bulls, cocaine, marijuana and cash in raids of two Hunting Park homes. A hawk? A fucking hawk? Minus 2

Mayor Nutter leads Phillies pep rally at City Hall. "Accidentally" shoots Jannie Blackwell with hot dog cannon. Even

The Colbert Report to broadcast from UPenn's Annenberg Center in April. Which brings us to Tonight's Word: "boating shoes." Plus 5

Former porn star Dayle Haddon drums up support for Obama in Rittenhouse Square. The only way she knows how. Plus 2

Total Pluses: 7

Total Minuses: 18

This Week's Total: -11

Last Week's Total: 24