The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Guardian Angels to ramp up presence in Philly. You know what demands respect? Berets! Lots of big red floppy berets. Even

Sexpert Dr. Ruth Westheimer to speak at National Liberty Museum. Better send the jellybean children to bed early. Plus 1

Stu Bykofsky honored at Humane Society's Genesis Awards. Although, technically, Stu's first column was in Leviticus. Plus 1

Overbrook High mock trial team takes state title, moves on to nationals. "Youse guys do pro-bono?" asks Fumo. Plus 4

Beanie Sigel sentenced to three months for giving false urine sample to probation officer. Nice! Now all he needs to do is commit mail fraud and we've got Beanie Bingo! Even

SEPTA trolley track fire responsible for huge Center City traffic jam. Mass Transit: No reported delays. Minus 1

Blueberry heir Anthony DiMeo III settles lawsuit with owner of Le Jardin, site of the infamous 2005 New Year's Eve debacle. Aggressively libelous joke redacted by Bell Curve Legal Department. Even

Saved by the Bell star Dustin Diamond among those stuck on Walt Whitman Bridge during last week's hostage situation. "Actually we livesss under it," says Screech. "Don't we, Lisssa?" Minus 1

Total Pluses: 6

Total Minuses: 2

This Week's Total: 4

Last Week's Total: -11