Patriot Game

• Reading City Paper. +22

• Reading City Paper on TV. +1,000,000

• Reading the Evening Bulletin. +1

• Reading Philadelphia Gay News. +12

• Working out at the Bellevue. +11

• Working out at 12th Street Gym. +21

• Behind the counter at the Wooden Shoe. +30

• Eating vegan pepperoni at Gianna's. +20

• Eating a snack chip other than Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili chips. +35

• Talking to Joey Vento. -4

• Talking to Joey Vento in Spanish. +40

• Receiving an honorary degree from any local school. +40

• Behaving in a way that may be reasonably construed as Flyered Up. +30

• Addressing City Council. +55

• Posing for a photo with you. (Send it to us!) +100

• Dancing at 12th Air Command — The Fightin' 12th! +40

• Presiding over a mock wedding between two actors in colonial garb. +76

• Interviewing a giant thumb and pretending it's Michael Smerconish. +55

• Hugging a bear at the zoo. +25

• Hugging a bear at Woody's. +26

• Playing a guitar in Rittenhouse Square. +40

• Stealing one of Jay McCarroll's stupid, stupid hats. +50

• Eating a Philly Taco (cheesesteak wrapped in a Lorenzo's slice). +55

• Making fun of Penn kids. +15

• Lacing up at Delicious Corsets. +25

• Eating buttercake in the Northeast. +50

• Giving a lecture on Reaganomics at A-Space. +25

• Drinking an Americano at La Colombe. +10

• Standing at Penn's Landing, taunting Camden. +45

• Skateboarding in LOVE Park. +80

• Shouting "E-A-G-L-E-S" at a Phillies game. -14

• Catching a hot dog from the Phanatic's gun. +50

• Firing the Phanatic's hot dog gun. +75

• Riding the Phanatic's quad. +250

• Riding a Duck. +5

• Eating whoopie pies at the Terminal. +15

• Welding the Liberty Bell back together. +800

• Adding his own Walk of Fame star to Broad Street. +110

• Comparing wrists with the Rocky Statue. +22

• Being carried up the Art Museum steps on a palanquin. +40

• Taking on Michael Nutter in a staring contest. -13

• Getting mentioned in Dan Gross' column. 0

• Stopping a criminal act in progress. +100

• Not wearing a tie. +65

• Accepting your MySpace friendship. +15

• Entering/exiting a bathroom. +35

• Answering a door in a hotel late at night. +65

• Refusing unwanted room service orders. +95

• Sleeping. +150

• Sleeping like an angel, our little angel. +160

• Stirring in his sleep because someone has gently run their fingers through his hair. +175

• Showering. +200

• Taking a Colbert Dump. +10