The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Prosecutors file 93 pages of evidence they plan on using in Vince Fumo trial. Page 67: Detailed accounts of Cerberus abuse. Plus 3

Man attacked and robbed on Market-Frankford line — the third violent incident on SEPTA property in 10 days. "For the last time, we're not Guardian Angels," says man in beret. "We're the All-Rerun Dance Team. Won't you pop and lock with us?" Minus 8

Mayor Nutter has no intention of footing multimillion-dollar casino policing costs that Mayor Street agreed to pay for while in office. "Furthermore, I don't care who said what before I got here. Milton's gotta get his stinky-ass pallet of sauerkraut out of my utility closet." Plus 4

City and surrounding area introduces emergency alert text message system. OMG, SRL KLLR ON TEH LOOSE! RFYL! Plus 6

Daily News reporter Regina Medina will appear on The Montel Williams Show to discuss Jocelyn Kirsch scandal. Dan Gross completely — completely — freaks the fuck out. Minus 2

Actress Tatyana Ali, best known as Ashley from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, visits Philly to stump for Obama. How much you wanna bet Geoffrey's voting for McCain? Geoffrey. He was the butler. Plus 1

Archbishop Desmond Tutu speaks at St. Joe's. All he did was lean his head out the window and ask for directions to the Llanerch Diner. Plus 3

Temple students living in an off-campus apartment building receive anti-Semitic newsletters. What is this? Villanova?! Minus 5

Michael Nutter holds successful Philly Spring Cleanup event. Ooh. Is that what we were supposed to help with? Minus my bad

Total Pluses: 17

Total Minuses: 15

This Week's Total: 2

Last Week's Total: 4