Ultimate Summer Fun Guide: September

Something awesome to do each and every day of the summer.

This is more like it: a bike "race" that revolves around doughnuts. The Donut Derby, a Labor Day tradition in the Lehigh Valley, is a 35-mile fun race with rest stops every 12 miles where participants are encouraged to eat doughnuts, and each doughnut a rider eats deducts three minutes from his or her finish time. According to the Lehigh Wheelmen Web site, there are just two rules: "All donuts must be eaten in the Donut Zone, and if you chum afield, you're DNF." There is a Spare Tire Championship Belt ostensibly for the biggest eater. 9 a.m., Lehigh Valley Velodrome, 1151 Mosser Road, Breinigsville, lehighwheelmen.org. —BH

Spend the evening with bloggers, activists and political junkies at the first Drinking Liberally after the Democratic National Convention. Presumably, they'll be toasting their new nominee (can we just call this for Obama already?), and relive what is sure to be a heart-stopping, hair-raising, change-we-can-believe-in-catalyzing nomination speech. 6-9 p.m., Tangier, 1801 Lombard St., drinkingliberally.org. —DT

Scrabulous is so bland, so sterile, so impossible to cheat at by making up plausible bullshit words. Consider playing with a board and little blocks of wood, and against other real, live, actual humans who might fall for your shenanigans at the Philadelphia Scrabble Club's weekly meeting. 6:15 p.m. Parent-Infant Center, 42nd Street and Locust St., phillyscrabble.com. —TN

Got a religious hangover? Then why not down a few cold ones at the free Faith on Tap at Fad—? The Vineyard Community Church (4115 Baltimore Ave., 215-382-1130, vccwestphilly.org) goes soul searching every first Thursday of the month over fine Irish suds. Guests are welcome to share stories about spirituality or just kick back and listen to a contemporary take on age-old questions about the meaning of life. Thursdays, Fad— Irish Pub, 1500 Locust St., 215-893-9700, fadoirishpub.com/Philadelphia. —NHM

Labor Day Weekend was last weekend, so summer is over — at least as far as the Jersey shore is concerned. Take advantage by heading down to Atlantic City and get a hotel room through Sunday at an offseason rate. You'll have the boardwalk, the bars and the gaming tables all to yourself, and you'll spend half as much as you would've the week before. —MH

Forget the Westminster Dog Show with those frou frou elitist pooches and their occasionally eerie owners. Fido's Festival USA is all about the mutts — although those with papers will be allowed through the gates. Featuring events like Canine Idol, Doggie's Got Talent and my favorite, the Great Dog-Gone Race — for mutts with 3-inch or smaller legs — this is the place for all the real dogs. Through Sept. 7, $7-$10, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Salem County Fairgrounds, 735 Route 40, Woodstown, N.J., 856-854-FIDO, fidosfestivalusa.com. —CV

It's the Philadelphia Eagles season-opening home game against the St. Louis Rams. Can't get tickets? You're probably better off. Instead, hold a Merrill Reese impersonation contest at your party. It's gooood! 1 p.m., WYSP (94.1 FM), FOX, philadelphiaeagles.com. —TN

Remember foosball? Well, people play it competitively. Of course they do. And they frown upon spinning. If this doesn't offend you, visit phillyfoos.com for local table locations — Buffalo Billiards, Brownies and Fat Tuesday's, to name a few — and a calendar of events, including Monday Night Foosball at Walsh's Tavern in Warminster. —NN

Not a lot of explanation here: Absolutely everyone knows about Dollar Dog Night. This is the last one of the Phillies' regular season (we assume they'll have at least one during the playoffs). 7:05 p.m., Citizens Bank Park, phillies.com. —BH

Can you believe it? It's Bill O'Reilly's birthday again. Has it been a year already? Celebrate by writing to Bill-O (oreilly@foxnews.com) and telling him how much better Keith Olbermann is. He haaaates that. —PR

Every year at the end of summer, the folks at Linvilla Orchards open up Pumpkinland where assorted gourds come to life in, let's be honest, kinda freakish ways. Last year's featured a pumpkin named Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. That is cannibalism. Sept. 6-Nov. 9, 137 W. Knowlton Road, Media, 610-876-7116, linvilla.com. —BH

If you're like me and you buy stuff from the Goya aisle because you remember those "Oh, Boya!" commercials, then, Latino or not, you'll probably dig the Phillies Goya Latino Family Celebration featuring food, entertainment and dance performances. These're not the same since Bobby Abreu and his salsa music left for the Bronx, but maybe Pedro Feliz and Carlos Ruiz will step up and fill the void. 7:05 p.m., Citizens Bank Park, phillies.com. —BH

Car, performed by Kate Watson-Wallace and "anonymous bodies" in a much-hyped Live Arts/Fringe Festival dance piece, takes place in the Fresh Grocer's (4009 Walnut St.) above-ground parking garage. Everything happens in a moving car, so if this disrupts your carbon-footprint-reduction plan, be a good urban hipster and bike to West Philly. livearts-fringe.org. —CH

For one day, they shut down the streets to cars and let cyclists imagine utopia. Bike Philly, now in its second year, is a lazy-hazy ride on the Parkway, through Fairmount Park and Old City, all unencumbered by motor traffic. 8 a.m., Art Museum steps, $35 early bird registration ends on June 30; registration for those 17 and under is $5. —BH

If your girlfriend asked you to make reservations at Le Bec-Fin for Restaurant Week, hustle — that place will fill up faster than you can say Georges Perrier. Monday is the best night of the week to actually score reservations at any number of the 100-some restaurants, where you can indulge in fancy fare like caviar-topped sashimi, filet mignon and pot de creme, whatever that is — all for only $35. Through September 19, centercityphila.org/restaurantweek. —CH

Greenify your apartment, even if it's in a small way, for U.N.-sanctioned International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer. Some hints: Pot drought-resistant plants, switch to energy-saving light bulbs, or write a screed to those pesky legislators who still deny global warming (via e-mail of course). —TN

With regular meetings beginning tomorrow, this is the last chance to draft your Philadelphia City Council fantasy team. Gather some politically minded friends together, pick your favorite councilpeople, and follow this simple scoring rubric: one point for a sponsored bill that becomes law, two points for an in-session rant lasting longer than five minutes, and three points if your player is hit with an indictment. Player with the most points by December is called "the honorable" for the remainder of the year. phila.gov/citycouncil. —TN

There are various ways to be civilly disobedient. The good people at NORML (the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, of course) want you to enjoy your summer days and perhaps express your disdain for authority (and antiquated drug laws) by staging your own miniature hemp rally. Whether it's a Vanilla Dutch Master or carefully concealed one-y, discretion is the key. Inhale. What is good for Amsterdam or Vancouver is good for the Delaware Valley. Exhale. Philadelphia air is much more tolerable this way. Repeat. norml.com. —MFD

On International Talk Like a Pirate Day, the world is encouraged to talk like a pirate for its own intrinsic goodness. The Grey Lodge Public House — the Great Northeast's better beer club house — ups the ante, offering eye patches to those proffering piratespeak and booty for all "beauties" that "happen upon [their] poopdeck." Extra points if that pegleg is real. 6235 Frankford Ave., 215-825-5357, greylodge.com. —BH

We won't know who'll appear at this show from the NBC Last Comic Standing tour because, you know, the series starts today, as in May 22 (and runs through Aug. 14). But you know who qualified previously? Ant — the gay guy with the toupée who hosts Celebrity Fit Club and is on Celebra Cadabra. Does this tell you something? 8 p.m., $37.50, Keswick Theater, 291 N. Keswick Ave., Glenside, keswicktheater.com. —ADA

If you trade in cheesesteaks for a new pair of running shoes, the ING Philadelphia Distance Run will be a lot easier. We've mapped out a training route: Start at Pat's King of Steaks (1237 E. Passyunk Ave.) and run all the way to Tony Luke Jr.'s in Rittenhouse (118 S. 18th St.). Do that 6.5 times, and you're all set for the 13.1-mile half-marathon. We believe in you. ingphiladelphiadistancerun.com. —CH

Monday means free pool at 12 Steps Down. Go shoot some stick and have a few beers and leave your quarters at home. And if this one short, skinny guy with a shaved head and glasses asks you if you want to make things interesting, decline politely. Dude's a shark. 831 Christian St., 215-238-0379, 12stepsdown.com. —MH