The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Local investors start for-profit company to rescue Philly's wireless network. "We're also donating money to Fattah for Mayor, buying real estate on the 6200 block of Osage and advertising with that new Chester soccer team. We're gonna be RICH!" Plus 3

Two-year delays on Convention Center expansion increase cost to $20 million more than expected. "WILL NOT STOP UNTIL EAT ALL CHINESE PEOPLES." Minus 4

N.J. arrests for public intoxication are disputed because the laws were repealed in 1975. A class-action lawsuit has been filed by every resident of Seaside Heights. Even

Fire on Wildwood boardwalk burns Seal Scooters and Seal Flume rides. Otters act all innocent. Minus 5

CEO of Pennsylvania Convention Center calls it quits. "Eat me," he says to Convention Center. "I OBLIGE." Even

Arlen Specter says he would use medical marijuana if it were legal in PA to combat cancer pain. "Unfortunately, I'm just not in a position to do anything about changing laws." Plus 3

Eagles cheerleaders return after Iraq trip. "Morale as a whole seems really high and they were really happy to see us, so we got a really good perspective of what life is like over there," said cheerleader Rachel Washburn. "Also, a lot of the soldiers seemed to have boners." Even

Mikhail Gorbachev to receive 2008 Liberty Medal. Expect acceptance speech to be drowned out by chants of "Drago sucks," comrade. Even

City Paper advertisers RainBow massage parlor busted for prostitution. Man, that's a double-whammy for Bruce Schimmel. JK, Bruce! Even

Total Pluses: 6

Total Minuses: 9

This Week's Total: -3

Last Week's Total: 4