The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Daily News calls thief who steals plumbing from area fast food restaurants a "Hamburglar." Then they call a jaywalker "Charles Manson" and a poor tipper "Vlad the Impaler." Minus 2

Bob Casey and Chaka Fattah announced they will seek $45 million in federal funds to revitalize the Centennial district of Fairmount Park. Aw, hell no. How much are trees these days? Plus 3

New state budget allots $50.8 million for Philly schools. Every kid gets a tree. Plus 3

Action News anchor Rick Williams will play the lead in the Moorestown Theater Co.'s production of The King and I. And Larry Mendte will show you to your seat. Even

Philadelphians no longer have to sort recycling. Sweet, no more separating our calzone boxes from our P'Zone boxes. Plus 5

Philadelphia Zoo welcomes a new resident: Gus, a 2-year-old giraffe. Officials say it's too early to know when it will suddenly drop dead from mysterious causes that are totally unrelated to its confinement. Plus 3

Managing Editor Sandra Long will head up consolidating specific departments of the Inquirer and Daily News. "We're really upsizing," she tells fired workers, promising to replace them with "really funny" RSS feeds. Minus 3

Two trailers full of bananas were stolen in Delaware. Then two truckloads of tiny pajamas went missing in Jersey. Aw. Minus 2

Phila. Department of Streets officially crowns Pat's as the king of steaks with a historical marker. Geno's burns a cross in protest. Even

Total Pluses: 14

Total Minuses: 7

This Week's Total: 7

Last Week's Total: 2