The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

About 500 families have offered to provide a new home for 44-pound cat Prince Chunk. Including Philabundance. Plus 1

Three decapitated chickens, one dead kitten, another cat close to death and the skeleton of a dog were found in Tacony Creek Park in Juniata. Prince Chunk denies involvement, but his litter box tells another story. Minus 5

Pedestrian-crosswalk countdown timers are being installed on Roosevelt Boulevard "Huh. I thought the nuns said 3 comes after 2," thinks Northeast Nick, as he sets out to cross the street for the very last time. Plus 1

Norman Lear and Maya Angelou will be given the Marian Anderson Award because of their ability "change society through their art and the courage of [their] convictions," says Nutter. "Albeit not recently." Plus 2

A water main break halts Eagles' practice on Saturday. Plumbers flocked from South Philly, the Northeast, South Jersey, Fishtown, Fairmount, Bristol and even Delaware to address the issue. Even

The Civil War & Underground Railroad Museum of Philadelphia discover they have an original copy of the terms of Gen. Robert E. Lee's surrender. "And what do you know," says museum president. "It allows for centuries of passive-aggressive resentment and random speeding tickets." Plus 1

Police are searching for two armed suspects who stole $11,000 from the money drop office at "Hippiefest 2008" at the Mann. Witnesses describe the perps as enormous bags of Sun Chips wearing hats. Minus 1

Total Pluses: 5

Total Minuses: 6

This Week's Total: -1

Last Week's Total: -6