The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

The customer who gets the 5 millionth order of crab fries in Chickie's & Pete's history (expected to happen in October) will win a lifetime supply of Budweiser. "Whoso shall lift this Old Bay-laden potato from the basket," so read Chickie, for so it was written, "the same is rightly born King of the Great Northeast." Plus 2

The Daily News runs a story about a 17-year-old dog that is rolled around in a $165 stroller and receives $110 acupuncture monthly. Fumo has a dog? Minus 1

Michael Nutter rescinds a job offer to the communications aide to the managing director before she starts, in light of the city's impending fiscal crisis. He made the following somber statement at a press conference: "I hate my job and this godforsaken hapless fucking city. Fuck me." Minus 2

Transformers II director Michael Bay gifts the city with the Parisian café set that was shot in the City Hall courtyard. Magnifique! Now let's stroll down Champs e'Markette to Le Gallerie and call on Mademoiselle Cinnabon. Even

The Poe House will get a face-lift in December. And cat corpses will spill out into the street. Plus 2

FBI statistics reveal that violent crime in Philadelphia in 2007 dropped 7.4 percent. It's September. What did your statistics guy get shot? Oh he did? Sorry. Plus 5

Michael Nutter demotes the ex-offender he hired to run an office that helps ex-cons find jobs. "I'd be angry," says ex-con, "if it weren't such deliciously rich irony." Minus 1

Club Risqué co-owner Nick Saponara says he plans to open Club Risqué Northeast in the former Dangerous Curves space. Because Club Risqué Tacony sounded too elitist. Even

Total Pluses: 9

Total Minuses: 4

Total for the Week: 5

Last Week's Total: -1