Wildcards

It's all up to Brett Myers. (And Joe Biden.)


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Published: Oct 1, 2008

It's worrisome. Nobody has even the foggiest idea what's gonna happen tonight. Total mystery. The good thing is, soon we can all stop wondering.

You know the question: Which Brett Myers will show up for the Phillies tonight in game two against the Brewers? (Don't worry, I'll get to tonight's other mystery in a bit.)

In episode 2 of the new season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis," Mac is elated to discover the necessary elements of a successful team right under his nose: The Brains (himself), The Looks (Dennis) and The Wildcard (Charlie). The Phillies have named their starting rotation for the playoffs, and it fits the archetype. Wily veteran Jamie Moyer: The Brains. Wunderkind Cole Hamels: The Looks. And though the Brewers are the wildcard team in this series, Brett Myers, slated to pitch tonight, is the Phillies' version of Charlie.

What does the wildcard do? "You sit there looking crazy and capable of anything," Mac told Charlie. "You set the tone."

That's Myers — crazy lookin' and capable of anything.

The team's first-round pick in the 1999 draft, has been classically bipolar this season. From opening day until the end of June when he was sent to the minor leagues, he was kind of horrendous. Between his late July return and Sept. 14 (when, pitching on short rest, he threw a two-hitter to nail down a four-game sweep of the Brewers), he was the best pitcher in baseball. In his two starts since, he's been torched.

At the end of that Sunny episode, Mac finds himself at the wheel of a van loaded with barrels of gasoline, unable to slow down.

"Because I cut the brakes! Wildcard, bitches!" yells Charlie before yeeee-hawing out the back door and tumbling to the street.

Did pitching on three days' rest injure Myers? Did it throw off his mechanics? Or is Myers just doing his best Charlie impression? Who knows. Wildcard, bitches!

The (arguably) more important wildcard is the post-game VP debate. What is going to happen when Joe Biden and Sarah Palin square off?

Palin has become a millstone around McCain's neck. Her inability to roll with Katie Couric's version of the third degree (all Tina Fey had to do was repeat Palin's answers) has even conservative pundits panning her. And yet, as Sean Quinn at the brilliant fivethirtyeight.com points out, McCain's campaign appears outworked on the ground even with the jolt of enthusiasm Palin's brought. Dropping her from the ticket — aka persuading her to quit — would be politically foolish if not also politically necessary.

Perhaps the bigger wildcard is, how should Biden handle this? There isn't much to be gained by going on the offensive. And he has no idea what to expect from Palin. She's been called "master of the nonanswer" by Andrew Halcro, who faced Palin in the 2006 Alaska gubernatorial debates. "She can turn a 60-second response to a query about her specific solutions to healthcare challenges into a folksy story about how she's met people on the campaign trail who face healthcare challenges," he wrote in The Christian Science Monitor. "All without uttering a word about her public-policy solutions to healthcare challenges."

In a head-to-head competition, The Brains has to respect the charms of The Looks, lest he come off like a bully.

Halcro suggests Biden "simply ignore Palin in a respectful manner on the stage and answer the questions as though he were alone."

As a commenter at Taegan Goddard's Political Wire put it: "My guess is that you'll hear lots of 22-word answers from Biden, the last seven of which are, 'I yield the balance of my time.'"

That seems like a stretch for the verbose Biden. Wildcard, bitches.

(bhoward@citypaper.net)

Slant political contributor David Faris will be providing post-debate analysis at citypaper.net. Also, please register to vote. The deadline is Oct. 6.