Accidental Tourist

Christian Finnegan

by A.D. Amorosi

Sat., Oct. 25, 7:30 and 10 p.m., free with reservations, the Troc, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-LIVE, thetroc.com

"If you occasionally like to read books without pictures, yet think it's hilarious when someone falls down the stairs and/or poops his pants, please come out to my fancy-schmancy DVD taping," says comedian Christian Finnegan of his upcoming Au Contraire! "It will not suck." In fact, Finnegan is so eager to please you, he's offering two free shows at the Troc. We caught up with him to see what it was about Philly that won him over.

On the charms of the venue:

I love the Troc because it's simultaneously highbrow and lowbrow. There's something comforting in knowing there's probably not one square foot of this former opera house that hasn't been dry-humped on. It's like a high-society woman who's fallen on hard times and resorted to hooking to make ends meet.

On the questionable charms of Philly audiences:

I'm hoping to use your rowdiness to my advantage. I figure a bunch of Philadelphians on their best behavior is equivalent to rounding up people from Vermont and saying, "OK, on the count of three, freak the fuck out!"

On Sarah Palin's recent guest appearance:

That Flyers game was a thing of beauty. Thank you for that. And congrats for not falling for her BS ploy of dragging that cute kid out onto the ice with her. They think that's going to stop Flyers fans from booing? Don't these fools know it's in your DNA?

On the Phillies in the World Series:

I wish the Phillies the best, I suppose. But now might be the perfect time to take a step back from baseball to appreciate the other fine things life has to offer. This is especially true on Saturday, Oct. 25.

On giving it up for free:

David Letterman could charge for studio audience tickets, but he doesn't because it's not about bringing in a few extra bucks. It's about getting enthusiastic crowds who agree to play by a different set of rules than those of a comedy club. I give you a free show, and in exchange, you promise not to yell out dumb shit or expect me to give a crap that it's Kim's birthday.

On his worst-ever experience in Philly:

I hate to disappoint, but my experiences here have all been pretty good. Excuse me while I knock on this massive piece of wood. Crowds can be chatty and your bachelorettes can be too proud of their hilarious penis straws, but it wasn't in Philly that a drunk marine tried to storm the stage and had to be dragged from the building while screaming, "I've seen people die!" That would be Birmingham, Ala. Honestly, I don't think that my kind of comedy much appeals to classic Philly tough guys. I don't draw an O&A crowd. The people who enjoy what I do have probably spent their lives getting their asses kicked by those guys. Plus, I spend most of my time in Philly trying to walk 50 feet without reading something about Ben Friggin' Franklin. Liberty this, democracy that. Yeah, I get it, Philly — you're historic. Get over it, already.

On Joe Biden's name-dropping:

Only in politics is being from Scranton something you brag about. Hillary did it, too. I love they way they use it, as if to say, "You think I don't understand how miserable, desperate and all-encompassingly shitty your lives are? Trust me, I do — I'm from Scranton!"

On Best Week Ever colleague and Philly native Chuck Nice:

Chuck's never given me his full impression of Philly. Usually when I see Chuck I spend all of my time ragging on him for being featured on one of those MTV Sex in the 90s specials many years ago. It's true. Look it up. I seriously hope he gets a Google news alert about this. Hi, Chuck.