Drill in Philly, Baby!

by Jay Nachman

Drill, baby, drill.

I have to admit, it has a nice ring to it. And it's fun to say. Drill, baby, drill.

But is this Republican policy a good one? I support green and clean energy policies. I don't think we can drill our way out of our current energy crunch. But what do I know?

A 2007 U.S. Energy Information Administration report requested by indicted Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens stated that "access to the Pacific, Atlantic and eastern Gulf of Mexico regions would not have a significant impact on domestic crude oil and natural gas production or prices before 2030. Leasing would begin no sooner than 2012, and production would not be expected to start before 2017. ... Because oil prices are determined on the international market, however, any impact on average wellhead prices is expected to be insignificant."

But hey, that report is based on drilling on the Outer Continental Shelf.

What about drilling, baby, drilling, right here in Philadelphia, in my Old City condominium courtyard? I can help solve the nation's energy crisis and make a few bucks selling my crude on the open market. And if I'm going to go Republican, I want to go all the way.

Don't laugh.

According to the Paleontological Research Institution Web site, Pennsylvania was responsible for half the world's production of oil until the East Texas oil boom of 1901. (I don't know why the Paleontological Research Institution has a section devoted to the "World of Oil." Did dinosaurs drink oil?)

But is there oil in Philadelphia?

Sadly, the likelihood of there being oil in Philadelphia is "slim to none," according to Alain Plante, an assistant professor in the Department of Earth and Environmental Science at the University of Pennsylvania. "Pennsylvania is not really an oil magnet, especially in Old City. Based on what we understand, the rocks below us are not oil-bearing rocks."

OK. But if the Republicans can forge ahead in the face of reason and all available evidence, why shouldn't I?

Rich Thom, longtime chair of the Developments Committee of the Old City Civic Association, thought I might get the committee's approval, but, "We would demand a royalty rate of 20 percent a barrel that we would give to infrastructure repair in Old City."

However, Thom said, "The oil derrick would have to meet all of the historical requirements of the district. And you'd have to go before the Zoning Board of Adjustment to get an exemption for the 60-foot height limit."

He added, "I could see L & I holding up the process for years."

And I haven't even considered getting approval from the toughest board around, my condominium association bylaws committee.

Al Schmidt, executive director of the Philadelphia Republican City Committee, said I have it all wrong. The Republican position, he said, is "a comprehensive energy policy. Drilling is just one aspect of the energy policy."

Nice try, but I'm not buying it. I've not once heard Republicans chanting, "Comprehensive Energy Policy, Baby, Comprehensive Energy Policy," during the campaign.

I still want to help solve the energy crisis, even if I can't do it as a Republican would.

I wonder what it would take to put a windmill in my courtyard.

Jay Nachman is a writer in Philadelphia. He'll perform his one-man show I'm Not Oedipus at the Society Hill Playhouse Oct. 25 and Nov. 1. To respond to his Slant, or submit one of your own, e-mail Brian Howard (bhoward@citypaper.net).