The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Gov. Ed Rendell signs a gun law that closes a loophole allowing the mentally ill to buy guns. Good God. What other loopholes are we unaware of? Are babies allowed to fly airplanes? Plus 4

Franciscan nun Sister Elizabeth Anne DeWaele uses Phillies memorabilia as a teaching tool in her fourth-grade class. "This is Lenny Dykstra's protective cup," says DeWaele. "It holds the equivalent of one teaspoon." Plus 1

Jocelyn "Bonnie" Kirsch is sentenced to five years in prison and must pay a $100,000 restitution. "Oh dear, where will I find $100,000?" Kirsch asks, pulling Regina Medina's credit card out of her wallet. Plus 2

Cindy McCain visits the Constitution Center, calling her husband, John McCain, a "man for these times." You think they still do it? Ew. They totally do. Ew ew ew. There is not enough Budweiser in the world. Minus 2

Conservative talk show host and columnist Michael Smerconish says he will vote for Barack Obama, the first time he will vote for a Democrat for president. "However — and I want to be very clear about this — I am still, unequivocally, a douchebag." Plus 3

The Please Touch Museum unveils its new building in Fairmount Park. "Just a reminder," says spokesman, "It's not called the Please Drop Cheerios and Spill Grape Juice All Over Our Shit Museum." Plus 5

The Palm restaurant unveils its new Michael Nutter portrait. Nutter says he hoped the caricature would look more like Denzel Washington. Then he sobs into his vegetable soup and, wouldn't you know it, he looks even uglier when he's crying. Plus 2

Total Pluses 17

Total Minuses 2

Total for the Week 15

Last Week's Total: 0