The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Michael Nutter releases his data for how and why budget cuts were made. "Here, let me get it," he says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his middle finger. Plus 1

Despite saying she still loved Vince Fumo, an ex of the embattled state senator spent five and a half hours on the stand explaining how he abused his power. "Aw, I still love you, too!" says Fumo, taking a dump in the woman's pocketbook. Plus 1

Siobhan Reardon, president and director of the Free Library, says closures will reduce an already-too-large system and bring the library "into the future." "Just like when Ruffy went bye-bye," she explains. "He went to the future." Minus 7

Former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor sits in on Philadelphia's Third Circuit Court of Appeals. In a helmet. Plus 1

City budget director Stephen Agostini says the plan presented by three freshman city councilmen to save the city $20 million is both creative and thoughtful. "As is this drawing my 4-year-old daughter made of a six-legged unicorn. Now get the fuck out of my office." Even

Alycia Lane and Chris Booker win a DogCatemy award from Long Island's North Shore Animal League for a video starring their two dogs. Fucking. Plus 10

Onlookers report Ryan Howard took in a show at Essington strip club Lou Turk's. May we remind onlookers that you, too, were there getting drunk and trying to hide your boners so perhaps throwing stones is not a wise call. Plus 1 

Total Pluses: 14

Total Minuses: 7

Total for the Week: 7

Last Week's Total: 5