ARTS . Art

All Smiles

Additional insights from Roy Smiles, one of our favorite across-the-pond funnymen.


	print	email	reply	rss feed

Published: Nov 26, 2008

Read A.D. Amorosi's feature on Roy Smiles' Schmucks, which opens Dec. 3 at the Wilma Theater.

City Paper: I know you used to do standup. Ever do it in America? And what's your best joke about living in America?

Roy Smiles: McDonalds ... interesting concept: In my country we have these things called "knives" and "forks." America, they produce genius like William Burroughs, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck and Gertrude Stein — but they still can't put a "u" in colour. The difference between America and England? America has Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder — England has no cash, no hope and with the Conservatives about to get back in, it's no fucking wonder.

CP: So why the Wilma? Do you owe them a large amount of gambling debt cash? The Zizkas are loan sharks, I hear.

RS: Eh, frankly no one else wants me. Nah, I have relationships also with the Court Theatre in New Zealand, Sydney Theatre Company in Australia and Theatre on the Bay in South Africa, so my demented Hitler-esque plans of world conquest continue. If only I could get a play on in my own country. ...

The Wilma has championed me really, so it's been awesome. Decided to support the Philly sports teams as a way of thanks. Now, let's get this right, in America you play Ping-Pong, cricket and billiards, right? And you have a "World Series" in baseball against yourselves — which isn't the "world" at all, is it? Which stops you getting thrashed by the Cubans. And you always lose at ice hockey to Canada? In my country we have two sports: soccer and soccer riots — you get better paid at the first one but the second is more of a group activity. In Scotland they don't like women ... so they play golf. In Wales they play rugby — badly. In Ireland they play hurling. Mostly hurling up after the latest U2 album. I have to lie now. I've contracted Bad Joke Disease. Warning! Warning, Will Robinson! We're about to enter the Planet of the Puns! Warning! Let me leave you with this advice: You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead." Nurse, the screens!

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

Schmucks, Dec. 3-Jan. 4, $39-$55, Wilma Theater, 265 S. Broad St., 215-546-7824, wilmatheater.org.