In The Event That...

You Still Have that Brokeback Mountain Costume in your Closet

by Holly Otterbein

Sat., Dec. 13, 7 p.m., $15-$20, Gershman Y, 401 S. Broad St., 215-731-9255, aidsfundphilly.org/gaybing

In Gay Bingo, even the winning numbers aren't straight. Instead of forming a horizontal, vertical or diagonal line, the numbers align to make cheeky and sexual patterns, like pearl necklaces. The camp doesn't end there: the hostess's name is Shady Pines, like the retirement home on Golden Girls, and she'll humiliate you if you misbehave. Think you're too good to stand up and scream "O-69" when that combination's called? She's throwing a cheesecake in your face. (Which we think is a waste of a perfectly good cheesecake, but whatever.)

This month's theme is "Ho-Ho-Ho Down," so dress accordingly. The Bingo Verifying Divas — drag queens in Rollerblades who flit around the bingo hall — will be performing a Christmas square dance and awarding a cash prize for best costume.

All this fun isn't for nothing — proceeds go to the AIDS Fund, which supports HIV/AIDS education and prevention in the Delaware Valley. We'll gladly pull out our cowboy costume for that.