The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Fifteen hundred firefighters march on City Hall to protest Nutter's budget cuts. "Truth is," says Nutter, "I have the money to save those three ladder companies, but I was just being a dick. And now, because you have walked all this way, I have changed my mind." Even

The family that fosters fat cat Prince Chunk is upset that the Camden County Animal Shelter wants the animal to make 12 public appearances. "Now I know how Dakota Fanning's parents feel," says father, "right down to the box full of shit in the bathroom." Even

Vandals swipe the Baby Jesus from the Ancient Order of Hibernians and Knights of Columbus nativity scene on Independence Hall. The understudy, Fetus Jesus, had only a few moments to rehearse his lines. Minus 5

The Nutter for Mayor campaign donates $225,000 to Pennsylvania Democratic organizations. And $300,000 to the Kingsessing Library. No, just kidding. Suck it, kids. Minus 1

Fans flock to Citizens Bank Park to have their photo taken with the World Series trophy and the Phillie Phanatic, dressed as Phanta Claus. Sadly, dozens were found mauled and carbonated by the dreaded Fanta Claws. Plus 4

Former Eagles owner Norman Braman gets swindled in one of the biggest Ponzi schemes of all time. That's when somebody takes all your money to create a Potsie-Fonzie hybrid. Minus 1

The Rev. James Von Dreele, director of the Seamen's Church Institute, delivers gifts to merchant marines stationed in Philadelphia. In spurts. Plus 2

Total Pluses: 6

Total Minuses: 7

Total for the Week: -1

Last Week's Total: -12