The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Philadelphia Forward, an organization that advocates tax cuts, reports it might fold without donor support. "We might have to resort to requiring all city residents to pay some sort of mandatory fee — a small portion of their income," says director Brett Mandel. Minus 2

Dallas Mayor Ron Kirk beats out former city solicitor Ken Trujillo for a position as U.S. trade representative in the Obama cabinet. Because nobody knows what a city solicitor does except for maybe it leans in to car windows and tries to get you to have sex with it. Is that right? Are we close? Even

Archaeologists find a perfectly preserved piece of a canal in Kensington. And promptly vandalize it. Plus 1

A Fumo aide, who was supposed to testify on Fumo's behalf, admits to stealing thousands of dollars from the state by invoicing fake meals. And promptly dies of malnutrition. Minus 2

Federal investigators begin an inquiry into COREPhiladelphia, a scholarship program started by Chaka Fattah. "This would be a bigger deal if I was mayor," sniffles Fattah. Even

Police apprehend two bank robbers after they make their getaway on a SEPTA trolley. Says one, "It's like they knew our every turn." Plus 1

Donald Trump sues PA gaming board, saying his company was discriminated against because of its business interests in New Jersey. Meanwhile, Joey Sweatpants from Oaklyn is claiming that when he got punched outside a bar in Old City, it was a hate crime. Even

Nutter signs a bill mandating that chain restaurants put nutrition facts on their menus. Like whether the meals are fake. Plus 3

Total Pluses: 5

Total Minuses: 4

Total for the Week: 1

Last Week's Total: -1