Crystal Ballin'

You are going to make it through this year if it kills you.

by A.D. Amorosi

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Published: Jan 6, 2009

STILL A VIP: Jonny Makeup will be a cat to watch in '09.

What does it say about a music critic who can't remember things he thought he loved in 2008?

TV on the Radio's Dear Science? Bravo.

Hayes Carll's Trouble in Mind? Schmart.

Lil Wayne's Tha Carter III? Damn skippy.

Yet when faced with the not-so-daunting task of constructing a top 10 list, those above records and many other so-called loves (Santogold?) got lost in the sky like so many pop flies. Either I'm going senile or it's closer to what my mother says, "If you can't remember it, it must not have been that important" — a phrase she usually follows with "Now get the fuck out of my house."

I dare say it's the latter — that which is brilliant still isn't enough. When it comes to crystal-balling 2009's music, this year should be more of an epoch than '08 if my instincts are right. Or my arteries will harden by May.

Now get the fuck out of my house.

► Juanita and Juan's

I knew I was going to fall in love with this radical books 'n' music shop in Chinatown. Not so much because of its name and close proximity to the Troc, Yakitori Boy's karaoke loft and Abakus Take Out's sneaker salon. Whosoever opens their locale with Kid Congo Powers, let alone Howie Pyro from D Gen, wins my heart forever. Yes. That's how it works. Plus it's where the Megawords storefront was held last fall. There're no listings for future shows yet. But while you're waiting in line for karaoke, sneak over and peruse the agit-prop book-and-poster shelf. 125 N. 11th St., 267-519-3447, juanitaandjuans.com.

► Jonny Makeup

I wrote about him first. I'll write about him last. The ex-VIP rent-boy/rapper with the squeaky voice has, since leaving Philly, found himself "adopted" by American Apparel honcho Dov Charney, appeared on T-shirts and E! shows Girls Next Door and The Soup, and has a self-made Web ting (misshapes.com/blog/jonnymakeup) featuring shots of him as a new wave Jerry Lewis the French must adore. Not as much as I. Somehow Makeup manages sniping pop-hop ("Earthquake/Heartbreak," "BLACKLISTED") and disarmingly charming disco (a duet with Cazwell, "I Seen Beyonce"). Plus he inundates himself into the work of giants, like electro maven Felix Da Housecat (He Was King). "Since The Soup thing happened I got word that Kendra will be having a spin-off, The Kendra Show," says Jonny. "I was asked to appear and I'm totally gonna do it. There're talks of me getting in the studio with my BFF Katy Perry. My production team Cory Enemy and Dallas Austin want us to revisit a certain duet Dallas made popular in the '90s." Who's laughing now?

That reminds me ...

► Amanda Blank

Signed to Downtown since Kevin Michael's "Phil a del ph ia," funny raunchy MC Blank has been tending to a spruced-up Sweatheart, interactive nail salon perf-art exhibits at Megawords and appearances on jawns from Santogold and Spank Rock. Where's the full-length to go with "Bump"? We're hearing early March. Not soon enough, Downtown. When it drops (hopefully nearby Spank's new CD), Philly should drag the Mummers out one more time and revel. The mouthy rapper has lyrical chops and her choices in musical accompaniment are choice. Philly: Blank is the moment you lost out on when Santo moved to Brooklyn.

► earSnakes and Hot Cups

When we look back on 2009, we'll find synth-esist/Gemini Wolf's earSnake label was the local to beat. It'll drop its own textured ardent pop CD this spring along with discs by the richly appointed West Philadelphia Orchestra, the finale of Shawn Kilroy's trilogy (a disco jawn featuring Slo-Mo), a delicately harmonic Paper Masques CD (from members of Zelda Pinwheel and the Teeth) that sounds like CSNY-meets-My Bloody Valentine, and sparkling Jalima Shani's new JSIC. earSnake'll get competition from upstate Pennsylvania's Hot Cup Records. Run by Moppa Elliott — bassist/bandleader of the Ornette-esque Mostly Other People Do the Killing — Hot Cup specializes in deliciously odd bop and avant standard song. MOPDtK's This is Our Moosic came out in 2008 (nice Billy Joel "Allentown" y'all) as did Puttin' on the Ritz's eponymous collection of angular cover classics. Hot Cup '09 starts with The King of All Instruments from baritone sax colossus Charles Evans, as well as another MOPDtK disc. Yowzah.

► The Hustle

With The Roots in Jimmy Fallon's grill, Philly must venerate its newest hip-hop heroes, MC Dave Ghetto and programmer/producer Tha S Ence. Hustle Simmons' dramatic eponymous debut dropped. We talked it up. But the praise is not enough. We have to move units. Buy three for the woman or man you love this Valentine's Day — all y'all.

► Prog rock

The guy from Porcupine Tree's solo CD is one of 2009's mostly hotly anticipated. The reunion tours more desired than Led Zep are Pink Floyd and ye olde Genesis with Peter Gabriel. I'm wearing an ELP girls' tee right now. How prog is that? So gear up for North Star Bar's last Sunday monthly live series of space/prog rockers from the area and not. It's booked by Heyday and Lynnette Shelley from The Red Masque, who'll headline the first one (Feb. 25) with Kohoutek and Advent. Expect bands with those sorts of names. Karn Evil 9 muthafuckahs.

► Reunions

You don't need me to tell you (actually, yes you do) that reunion culture hit Philly's band elders. Beru Revue, Tuff Crew and Bunnydrums did it. (Those are three names you never expected to see in one sentence.) It's fun seeing craggy men at work while craggier old women look on. I'll be a fan of Jan. 24's funked-up Fathead reunion at North Star. While I pray there won't be Electric Love Muffin or Rolling Hayseeds (Karg I love you — don't do it) re-gigs, I'd go for the original Nazz (Stewkey and Todd make up), Resin, Mandrake Memorial, Executive Slacks, Charles Cohen's Ghostwriters, Need New Body and The Goats. Heck, I'd go for Rich Fravel's Uptown Bones right about now just to get him out of real estate for a sec.

Make 2009 like that and we're cool.

► Bret Michaels

Don’t give me lip, Sonny Jim. I didn’t find future in a hair-metal dude from Mechanicsburg when he was in Poison during the duster-wearing ’80s, no suh. Reborn (a la Flava Flav) as a VH1 dating smoothie courtesy salivating seasons of Rock of Love you figured “OK. I sat through the guy with the clock. How bad could this be?” But a funny thing happened on the way to this weekend’s new Rock of Love Bus. Michaels is all over VH1’s air sheet — hosting The Hard Rock 100, in ads for the Time Life (?!) Hard & Heavy CD/DVD collection wherein you get a copy of Bret Michaels Acoustic Sessions if you act now. This wasn’t supposed to happen but it did. Every rose has its thorn indeed.

► The Spectrum

I’m sadder than you that The Spectrum will be turned into The Gallery South. I saw most of my still fav-o-rite shows there: Bowie’s Station to Station, the Grand Funk Railroad “dance” concert where kids were fucking on the floor, Guns N’ Roses/Aerosmith, Yes-in-the-round gigs and Zappa square in the middle. Even the Rod Stewart show where the rumor started they pumped his belly for cum inhalation. Whee. My bet or hope is it’ll be Rod’s Faces reunion with Ronnie Wood for the Spectrum’s last rock out. Be a nice blast.

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

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