Bring Back T.O. No, Really.

by E. James Beale

There's an old Simpsons gag where Marge questions Homer's problem-solving methods — he's about to use a cherry bomb in his attempt to unstick an end-table drawer. Homer, upset at the delay, asks his blue-haired voice of reason, "Do you want the job done right, or do you want it done fast?" As Marge grumbles, the Simpson boys light the fuse. Quick vs. right — it's an old question, and not always one with an easy answer. Take your Philadelphia Eagles, for example. What to do about the wide receiver position?

Evan M. Lopez (CLICK IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION)

When it comes to pro sports teams, most fans praise the right way, but truth be told, it's usually expediency we seek. Locally, this is partly the result of frustration — the Birds haven't won a championship game since 1960, six seasons before the event was dubbed the Super Bowl — but there's another part, as well: Sometimes the quick and destructive way can be more practical. For the Eagles, this may be one of those times. Though Donovan McNabb remains a high-level QB, his window as such is closing, and the same thing is happening to his backfield partner-in-crime, former All-Pro tailback Brian Westbrook. If you believe that an elite wide receiver could push the Eagles over the top, perhaps it makes sense to make a high-risk move.

That said, before we turn to explosives, we should probably check for the WD-40. Here are three possible "right way" fixes for the Eagles' wide receiver problem:

The Draft

The Eagles could simply draft a wide receiver. It's the most straightforward option, but it may also be the most impractical.

First, the draft is hard. Freddie Mitchell, Na "Sodium" Brown, Billy McMullen and Todd Pinkston are all examples of high draft picks who flopped. Even when a wide receiver does pan out, it takes time for him to fully grasp the system. As good as DeSean Jackson was this year, he dropped several game-changers and didn't finish higher than 28th in any major statistical category.

Second, the draft is important. An NFL team needs a lot of competent players, and the draft is the best place to find them. Michael Lombardi, a former NFL GM who now runs the NFL's go-to football site, nationalfootballpost.com, told me that while wide receiver is a concern for the Birds, their needs "start at tackle, a blocking tight end and another back to help Westbrook." With all these holes on offense, the Birds probably shouldn't roll the dice on a risk/reward prospect, as receivers tend to be.

Free Agency

First of all, Housh is 31. That isn't old enough to discount a receiver, but it's not young enough to expect him to improve. At 31, what you see is what you get, and with Housh, who averaged just 9.8 yards per catch last year — the worst mark for any starting wide receiver in football — what you get might not be enough.

A Trade

Anquan Boldin, the Arizona Cardinals' wide receiver, made headlines recently when he demanded a trade to a new city and a new contract on arrival. Boldin is big, strong, and tough — he would immediately fill a hole for the Birds. Unfortunately, his path to Philly wouldn't be smooth.

Aside from the big money Boldin would demand, the Cardinals understand his value and wouldn't trade him cheap, if at all (Lombardi tells me flatly that "Boldin is not going anywhere"). The rumored asking price is a first- and third-round draft pick — a steep price for the Birds to pay given their myriad needs.

The Cherry Bomb

When it comes to filling the Eagles' hole at receiver, the "right way," almost regardless of how you define it, isn't terribly viable. Now, if you're of the mind that the Birds can go to war with the receivers they have, fine. But if you believe they need to improve at the position, well, you check for the cherry bomb.

HALF OFF DEPOT

Why live life at full price?

At 6 feet, 3 inches, 220 pounds, with more receiving touchdowns than anyone save Jerry Rice and a career 14.9 yards-per-catch average, Terrell Owens is, by any reasonable standard, a playmaker. If you're part of the majority of Eagles fans who agree that T.O.'s first go-round with the team was worth it, bringing him back may be less crazy than it sounds.

With Dallas having internal discussions about releasing him, T.O.'s price tag would be low. More importantly, he's still really good. Last year he had more yards than both Boldin and Housh, and over the past two seasons only Randy Moss has caught more TDs.

OK, you say, but the last time T.O. was here he destroyed the team. Maybe so, but that was last time. The team has proven it will ship him off if he misbehaves, and after he gets run out of Dallas, it will be easier for everyone not to take him seriously. Before, when T.O. questioned McNabb's leadership, the city wondered if he had a point. Now? The team, organization and fans would dismiss it as typical T.O. crap. McNabb would be secure in his position as the good guy.

After Marge admitted that, like most Americans, she wanted the job done fast, the cherry bomb exploded and the end table was covered in blast marks. Looking in from the outside, the situation was a mess. T.O. is like that, and the counter argument that he's probably the worst teammate in the history of football is valid — he's going to stain the table. Still, when Marge tested the now easily sliding drawer, she realized the cherry bomb had worked. Impressed and surprised, she looked up, begrudgingly acknowledging, "You can't argue with results."

Tell E. James Beale how stupid he is at citypaper.net/sports.