Last Thursday, less than a week after his new closer echoed Jimmy Rollins' famous declaration by anointing his squad the "team to beat" in the National League East, and just two days after his center fielder opined that he hopes the Mets "kill" Cole Hamels, New York Mets shortstop Jose Reyes innocently asked a group of reporters, "Why are [the Phillies] focusing on us?" After all, Reyes mused, the Mets "don't say nothing about them."
So why do the Phillies pay so much attention to the Mets? It's a fair question, I suppose. After all, the Mets are just the lowly two-time consecutive NL East runners-up, hardly a group the World F. Champions need to fear. Still, I think there may be an answer, and we at City Paper, being good Samaritans, are here to provide it. Without further ado, we present to you our best guesses as to what it is about this second-place team that seems to provoke the Phillies' ire: An Incomplete List of Reasons the Mets are Douchebags.
Evan M. Lopez
(CLICK IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION) |
• Last year, Mets star third baseman David Wright — public face of the MLB '07: The Show video game, Vitamin Water sports drinks and Fathead posters — made several public statements about how he'd be cutting back on "endorsement deals and promotional activities," to focus on the game. Two weeks later, he made his second visit to theLate Show with David Letterman. To this day, athletepromotions.com informs me I can book Wright for "Corporate Appearances, Endorsements, Speaking & Autograph Signings."
• This year, the Mets are moving into a new, state-of-the-art stadium. Back in 2006, they sold the naming rights for the park to Citigroup — which, as you know, recently received a large federal bailout and had to lay off 50,000 people. Despite public pressure to abandon the deal, the $400 million agreement is being honored — and the American taxpayer is the not-so-proud backer of "Citi Field." I want my money back.
• Last year, Mets then-manager Willie Randolph, one of Major League Baseball's true good guys, was flown out to the West Coast with his team only to be fired upon arrival, at 3:30 a.m. EST. The reason he wasn't told back home? The organization wanted to avoid making the next day's headlines, a goal they decided was more important than decency; before the trip, the manager had reportedly asked not to be let go in the midst of a road trip. Classy.
• Look, Mets fans, I understand that when you're visiting an opposing ballpark, you want to show up with your hometown colors. There's something admirable about trying to offset a sea of red with dots of blue and orange. (While we're here: Blue and orange? You're supposed to be a Major League Baseball franchise, not fucking Sea World.) It's even OK to cheer on your team at an opponent's park. But it's entirely another thing to sing your nonsensical "Jose, Jose, Jose, Jose" chant every time there's a routine grounder to short. Thanks, buddy, we get it, you're a douchebag. We got it three innings ago. It's like these morons all met on a message board for assholes with new haircuts, typing aggressively at each other, overusing the words "dude" and misspelling the word "bro," until they got bored and decided to head to Philly for the night.
• It takes a special kind of stupid to embrace the Mets. The team came later than the Yankees and historically have been far worse. The only possible reasons for Mets fandom are: 1) You're a full-out hater who hates your hometown team because you're a jerk; 2) You love misery and decided to opt-in at the first chance; or 3) Your grandfather rooted for the Dodgers/Giants. The Dodgers and Giants, huh? It's a real shame those franchises folded. Mets fans are confused, and not confused in the fun way, either.
• All Mets fans break out their Yankees caps in October.
• Mets prospects enjoy an absurd amount of hype. Remember Paul Wilson? Alex Escobar? Rey Ordoñez? Bill Pulpisher? Ed Yarnall? Lastings Milledge? You wouldn't if they played anywhere but New York, which treats every one of its new prospects like the second coming of Howard Johnson.
• The current team won't shut its mouth about how its offseason additions were far superior to the Phils'. I mean, seriously? The Phillies added a trophy. That trumps a guy named "J.J." any day.
• The Mets' last championship team was basically an advertisement for wasted talent. As a sports fan I feel deprived that Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden — two sure-fire Hall of Famers whose careers were derailed by excess — never got their day in the sun. Would they have flamed out as quickly playing for the Royals? Maybe, but they didn't have a chance on the Mets.
• That stupid dilapidated apple. Why couldn't it die like the rest of Shea?
• Mets announcer Keith Hernandez's nonstop personal anecdotes from his playing days. We get it — once upon a time you were Keith Hernandez. Now you're just an old misogynist trying to remain relevant at the expense of actually calling the game.
• Mr. Met, New York's big-headed mascot, looks like a gum ball on steroids. The fact that there are Mets fans who refer to that cross-eyed goon as "beloved" does not speak well for their instincts or intelligence.
So, Jose, we hope we've helped you on your quest to discover why in the world anyone would pick on your good ol' ballclub, and apologize for leaving you with such a woefully incomplete list. After all, we haven't even gotten to your pouting after called strikes, your needless celebrations after home runs, or your awful, elaborate handshakes that seem to happen only when you just did something right. In short, we haven't even mentioned the biggest reason we hate you — you.
No sugar-coating: Beale tells you how he really feels about the Mets at citypaper.net/sportscomplex.
LOL so just keep crying like E. James Beale it remains the rest of the sports world why we should pity Philadelphia fans not hate them.
I hope you feel better now E James. Loser. BTW, I'd LOVE to see you say it to Jose's face, and I know you're reading this you phukking homo. tnopsnt
Sure, Rob, it doesn't matter.
Not too much, anyway, huh fella?
The other NY fans here represent their team and city quite appropriately, I'd say.
GO PHILS!
New York loves the Yankees, not the Mets.
Wasn't it also Phily fans that cheered at the chance that Michael Irvin could be paralyzed as he lay on the field?
Wasn't it Phillie fans that literally left their forums ghost towns at the three quarter mark last year?
What a fanbase!
"Hey, listen. Listen. THIS IS FOR PHILADELPHIA!"
*crowd cheers*
Go ahead and keep repeating stuff you've heard from a friend of a friend and act like it matters.
(ps. What kind of a-hole makes Michael Irvin, of all people, out to be some kind of martyr? If he was your next door neighbor you'd try to hit him with your car every morning.)
Guess not.
They were recalled due to a choking hazard.
Get your c--k out of the Met's @$$es, and get a clue you simpleton moron.
Get your c--k out of the Met's @$$es, and get a clue you simpleton moron."
What was it that you guys were saying about Phillies fans being low class?
-Philly's two favorite players are named Cole and Chase. I can't think of two more douchey names than Cole and Chase.
- Philly baseball fans are by far the worst - I've personally witnessed a family in blue and orange being driven out of Citizens Bank Park because two Philly douches were yelling obscenities at the kids (good call Momboelitist).
- Philly fans actually don't care about baseball. Tune into WIP or ESPN radio anytime of year, including during the heat of a pennant race, and I guarantee that 90% of the time it will be some idiot calling in talking about the Eagles.
- You're mocking Keith Hernandez? Gary Matthews has not said a single insightful thing about the game ever. Is he gone yet? Oh yeah, don't forget the Phillies most well-known announcer is best known for football.
- When you argue that all the Met prospects are hyped up you conveniently forget the ones who have exceeded their billing - Reyes, Wright, Isringhausen, Kazmir, just to name a few. Welcome to baseball, douche.
- Phillies fans don't realize that the Yankees and their fans are even bigger douches than the Phillies and their fans, though in different ways.
- The Giants and Dodger franchises didn't fold, they moved. Douche.
- You may not like the Mets colors, but the Phillies are named after girl horses and wear purple. Pretty clear that's more effeminate and douchey.
-Phils games are on Comcast Sportsnet. Not douchey, but evil. (Yes, I know SNY is partly owned by Comcast)
To be fair, I'll complement the Phils and their fans on a couple of things:
-The Phanatic is awesome. Best mascot in sports.
-Food at Citizens Bank Park is terrific, just wish the lines weren't so long.
-Tickets are cheaper here than in NY. That helps.
I really don't have to sit here and insult this author because he is only trying to get a rise out of met fans.
I'm at least glad that the Mets website I visit won't allow discussion on this topic because we don't really care what Phili fans think.
Telling your parents that you're gay.
Telling your parents you wish you were gay!
And theres also the fact that we shouldnt root for them cuz they havent been better than the Yankees.... Thats like telling everyone to root for whoever won the world series....(Oh wait i get it now... he wants more phillies fans)
You forget in the 80s the Mets ran NY and the Yankees sucked... But people arent front-runners like phillies fans
Actually love Jose, but Bernard Hopkins he ain't
xoxox from the StL!
Good luck with that.
even a New Yorker can under stand that, right?
It's You're not your... so shut the fuck up
I'm not sure how you can come to this conclusion without being biased. The game should have been stopped long before it was. MLB was waiting for the Rays to score so they could justify stopping it. No advantage to the Phillies whatsoever.
Plus they were already up 3 games to 1, so that's hardly having the series "handed to them."
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