The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

0 The electrical union holds an ethics forum after distributing race- and religion-baiting fliers against Michael Nutter in 2007. "Were we ethical? Yes we were," says union and ethics board president. "Meeting whatevered."

+ 3 Sister Mary Scullion is in the running to be one of Time magazine's most influential people. Hope this won't hurt her chances, but: Who?

+ 2 Michael Nutter declares March 29 Edward Albee Day. Festivities including boring someone for two hours and then stabbing them in the park.

+ 4 The new SEPTA budget does not include any service cuts or rate increases. But as soon as you step onto the bus you gotta start pedaling.

+ 2 The Board of Ethics brings in $98,750 resulting from campaign finance violations. "BOB BRADY SORRY."

0 Ryann Richardson, a sophomore at Philadelphia University, wins the Miss Philadelphia pageant. "I was robbed," says Sister Mary Scullion.

- 4 A Philadelphia University student pleads guilty to killing three cats and is ordered to pay a fine, get counseling and refrain from contact with animals for 10 years. "This is basically a death sentence," says sophomore Gordon Shumway.

0 Analysts call the budget Nutter's defining moment. Nutter calls analysts Nutter's defining analysts.

0 Four hundred women audition to be Eagles cheerleaders. "Just not my week," says Sister Mary Scullion.

+ 3 Michael Nutter and the Phillies honor nine unsung local heroes at City Hall. "Ladies and gentlemen, the top three lines of the Philadelphia Flyers! So they tell me."

- 6 Needles are found taped to the undersides of railings at the Somerset station in Kensington. No, don't touch that! The whole neighborhood will collapse. Kenzo is basically Junkie Jenga.

This Week's Total: 4 | Last Week's Total: 8