The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+ 1 Penn professor releases a study saying that the ancient Egyptians put herbal remedies in their wine. "In conclusion: I wasn't trying to roofie you."

0 Philadelphia will host a national convention for state legislators, even though it has been criticized as a tax-funded holiday. "It's not a holiday! We'll be working!" say Delilah's dancers.

+ 5 Police launch Operation Pressure Point, which increases police presence in high crime areas. Also known as Operation Standard Operating Procedure. Or Operation Should Have Been Doing This All Along. Or Operation Duh.

+ 2 The World Irish Dance Championships held in Philadelphia for the first time. "BRADY WIN!" says Bob Brady, doing a drunken twist alone on his back porch.

- 2 An 82-year-old man tries to shoot a police officer with a bow and arrow in the Northeast. He is shot 121 million times.

0 Brian Tierney says he will continue to push for an investigation of charges that one of Philadelphia Media Holdings' creditors illegally taped a private business meeting. "I'm also suing the city because I tripped on the sidewalk outside the Palm. Someone is gonna bail me out of this mess, and I'm not gonna to stop going to the Palm."

- 1 A police standoff, which began after a man started swinging a machete in a Germantown park, ends with no injuries. Ah, Germantown, the Northeast of the northwest.

0 Denied a new trial by the Supreme Court, Mumia supporters in West Philly start a petition they plan on giving to Attorney General Eric Holder. "And if that doesn't work, we'll start lobbying with traffic court. After that we might just write letters to Law and Order: Criminal Intent which is a good show."

- 1 Parents protest the closing of the Scotland School for Veterans' Children, which has a 100 percent graduation rate. Ask any statistician: You gotta eliminate the outliers.

This Week's Total: -10 | Last Week's Total: -7