The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+ 1 The Philadelphia Housing Authority announces it will begin selling its blighted properties. "I'll buy them!" says a moderately large feral cat.

+ 6 The Phillies visit the White House and meet Barack Obama. "Holy fuck, he's black?!" says Brett Myers. "This is the 21st time I've met a president," says Jamie Moyer.

+ 2 The 15th Police District holds a gun buy-back event, trading firearms for $50 food vouchers. Later that day, a man is beaten to death with a pomegranate.

+ 4 Sheryl Crow will headline the Welcome America July 4 concert. In fact, that's the name of her latest collection of edgeless pop puff pieces.

+ 1 Michael Nutter gets his blood pressure checked at a launch event for the Heart-Healthy Philadelphia campaign. "According to this," says a bewildered nurse, "you're a mouse overdosing on crystal meth."

- 2 Chief Sustainability Director Mark Alan Hughes leaves his post. Joan Krajewski introduces a bill that would level his office, pave it and turn it into an Applebee's.

0 During his commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania, Google CEO Eric Schmidt says that "humans are the most important things." "I AM SO MAD," says feral cat.

+ 3 A peregrine falcon couple nests on the south side of City Hall. Philly's more fun when you swoop over.

- 4 A fire destroys a West Philly Dollar Plus store. Causing $117 in damages.

This Week's Total: 1 | Last Week's Total: 1