The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+ 2 Dolphin spotted in the Schuylkill near the Art Museum. "I really want to run up those steps," it explains. "Because I'm an animal, and I'm stupid, and you'd need to be both to think that was cool or meaningful."

- 2 Food cart vendors say they're struggling due to higher food prices and fewer customers. "I would like to purchase some food carts," says dolphin.

- 8 Tony Danza is in talks with local officials about teaching at a Philly school for an A&E reality series. Fool me once, A&E.

- 4 SugarHouse halts plan to dig up American Indian artifacts from its proposed site, since new plans call for a parking lot on that spot, not the actual casino. Ghost of Lenape chief makes the universal jerk-off gesture.

0 SugarHouse also says it wants to lease six acres of riverfront property to use as a temporary parking lot. "We want to offer our customers some options: haunted, non-haunted and valet."

- 2 Gov. Rendell proposes a temporary increase in income tax to help eliminate the state's $3.2 billion revenue shortfall. Lynn Swann smiles for a second, then goes back to his crossword.

0 According to the Inky, the urban acrobatic art of parkour is gaining popularity in Philadelphia. Next week: Why are so many Philly kids breaking their fool necks?

- 1 El Wingador will fight Jose Canseco in an upcoming Celebrity Boxing match. In the undercard, Wingador's arteries will fight Canseco's testicles.

+ 1 I-95 upgrade project unearths colonial and American Indian artifacts in Fishtown. "Mine!" says SugarHouse.

- 2 Despite frequent rainstorms in the area, Philadelphia's precipitation totals are still down 15 percent for the year. "Hard to dance underneath all this asphalt," says Lenape chief.

- 4 While cleaning out a sewer in North Philly, a Water Department worker is shot in the foot. By the sewer people.