The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

0 State police charge Airport idlers $147 for parking along I-95 on the same day PennDot puts up signs announcing the fee. The only thing worse than inefficient government is efficient government.

+ 5 Recycling is up by 46 percent, which saved the city $4.8 million in landfill costs. In other news: Chester's profits are down $4.8 million.

- 2 The Parking Authority adds more collection days to its schedule to counter jammed meters brought on by the rate hike. Also adds new feeders so employees don't have to go all the way back to the nest to eat the babies. Parking Authority eats babies.

- 2 A member of the Phillies marketing team loses his World Series ring. In Mr. Met's butt.

0 The school district extends the contracts for both the custodial and security unions. Which means Tony Danza now has three jobs at NE High. Four if you include "Zubaz Dress Code Enforcer."

+ 1 The Art of the Steal, a documentary about the Barnes Foundation, premières at the Toronto International Film Festival next week. But if the filmmakers die, who knows where it will end up?

+ 1 According to the Daily News, a local couple who leads ghost hunts at Fort Mifflin has spent an estimated $25,000 on their pursuits. Which averages out to $25,000 per zero ghosts.

+ 2 Members of Squeeze, the Gin Blossoms, Gene Loves Jezebel will perform at the Field House for charity. Namely themselves.

- 4 Foxwoods is given a 21-month extension from state gaming regulators, who warn that the casino company should stop looking for a spot other than the approved Delaware Waterfront location. Which seriously muddies the question of just who is the biggest, reddest, throbbingest asshole in this scenario.

Total for the week: +4 | Last week's total: 0