The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+ 2 President Obama visits Center City to attend an Arlen Specter fundraiser. "This is America? Uh-oh. I have some soaring rhetoric I need to clarify."

+ 3 A judge orders SEPTA to install elevators for handicapped passengers near City Hall. "OK," says SEPTA. "But sometimes you'll be waiting for half an hour and then an elevator will blow right by you for no good reason."

+ 5 The Bicycle Coalition's annual ride to promote cycling in the city boasts 3,000 riders. "Why am I the only one in a sock?" asks Mayor Nutter, shivering.

0 The application deadline draws near for the Cappies — a program that sends high-schoolers to review plays and musicals at other schools. "More like the Crappies," says sophomore critic Sammy Adams. "I found the entire affair to be uneven, pretentious, overstuffed and ultimately toothless. It's almost hard to criticize a program that's so unambitious."

+ 1 Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey is one of 12 people selected to review the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. CommishTweets: wtf like im not busy. omg did you see kanye what a jacka$$

+ 3 Police report more DUIs but fewer fatalities over the Labor Day weekend. We're getting better at this!

0 The Justice Department opens an internal inquiry into the handling of voter intimidation by the New Black Panther Party last Election Day. "Does this mean I can still win this thing?" asks John McCain, but he's talking to an apple.

+ 2 A former graffiti artist pairs with the Mural Arts Program to paint giant love letters along the El line. Hopefully, over top of some murals.

- 3 Jose Duran sues the police and the city after cops raided his store and cut the wires on security cameras. Then he disappears. Guess he got over it.

- 3 City retailers are worried about the proposed 1 percent sales tax increase, including an employee at a Chestnut Hill antiques dealer who said, "They're going to ruin us!" Adding: "Also if somebody doesn't buy this chifforobe I'm going to kill myself, I mean it. "

Total for the week: +10 | Last week's total: +10