The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+ 7 State lawmakers grant Philadelphia the temporary sales-tax hike and two-year reprieve from pension payments Mayor Nutter was seeking for the city's budget, averting library closings and other extreme measures. In return, we agreed to stop pointing out how shitty Harrisburg is, and how every building there looks like a giant orangutan took a crap in it.

+ 2 GPTMC unveils two-day It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia-themed tour. And unplugs the Randall "Tex" Cobb Simulator.

- 8 The state institutes a new 6 percent sales tax on tickets to things like theaters, museums and concerts. "Well, boys, that should just about do it," says the curator of the Randall "Tex" Cobb Museum. "Time to close up shop. Everybody can take one artifact home."

- 4 The School District re-evaluates its budget in light of the $160 million budget shortfall. "I think we're going to tax kids' fingerpaintings," says school board official. "Maybe spring it at the last minute. You know, total douchebag move."

+ 1 Charles P. Pizzi, former president of Philadelphia's Chamber of Commerce and current chief executive of Tasty Baking Co., is named chairman of the board that oversees the Philly Federal Reserve Bank. He promises not to crimp its style.

+ 1 Group plans $4 million project to rejuvenate Germantown Avenue in Mount Airy. Step one: Rename it Mount Airy Avenue.

0 SEPTA says it doesn't need to increase its security in light of recently exposed terrorist plots in New York because they already operate at a "high level of vigilance." "In other words, terrorists, let's do this. A big ol' disaster would hit reset and let us start a new mass transit system from scratch."

- 10 Steve Friedman, the radio talk show host better known as Mr. Movie, passes away.

0 A white cop with cornrows is remanded to desk duty for two days until he cuts off his braids. Also he's told to stop talking like that because he's from Collingswood for Christ's sake.

Total for the week: -11 | Last week's total: 10