A Million Stories

by Jeffrey C. Billman and Scott Yorko

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Published: Nov 11, 2009

Dept. of Public Servants

Here's a shocker. Our own U.S. Rep. Bob Brady, D-Comcast, is one of the 72 House Democrats who signed an Oct. 15 letter to the Federal Communications Commission voicing "concern" over the FCC's proposed net neutrality rules. "What's net neutrality?" you ask. Good question. Let's put it this way: Big telecom companies think the Internet as currently conceived — where people can access amazon.com just as easily as they can little ol' citypaper.net — is not nearly as profitable as it could be. They'd prefer a system in which they can charge deep-pocketed corporations higher rates for better service, and relegate start-ups, middling companies and your little sister's blog

to the Web's back burner, where they'll never be heard from again. In the common vernacular, the companies — like, say, Comcast — would like to erect tolls on the Information Superhighway, then act as both toll collector and gatekeeper. So what if the principle of equal access made the Internet the ultimate meritocracy, allowing anyone with a dot-com and an idea to make their voice heard? They've got money to make.

The FCC's proposed rules would interfere in that endeavor. And Brady — who, coincidentally, has raked in some $92,000 from Comcast and its lobbyists

alone since 2007 — is standing with his benefactors (as he was in 2006, when he voted against making net neutrality federal law).

"In light of the growth and innovation in new applications that the current regime has enabled, as compared to the limited evidence demonstrating any tangible harm, we would urge you to avoid tentative conclusions which favor government regulation," reads the letter Brady et. al. wrote to the FCC. They want a "transparent, data-driven process,"

which, as the public interest Sunlight Foundation notes, sounds a lot like the statement that Comcast Executive VP David L. Cohen made on Oct. 22 — after the FCC tried to allay the telecom's concerns by promising to be more collaborative than adversarial — seeking a "fair, fact-based and data-driven process to explore these issues."

Rhetorically, Comcast supports an open Internet. In practice, however, its record is spotty: Last year, the FCC slapped Comcast for blocking customers who were using "disfavored applications" — in that case, file-sharing apps like BitTorrent — which is exactly the kind of decision multibillion-dollar corporations should not get to make.

Fire On The Tracks

So how good are we? Basically, clairvoyant. On Day One of the Great SEPTA Strike '09, Nov. 3, we had a premonition. We knew something was bound to go wrong with the R5 — and voila, one day later, the damn thing caught fire! (SEPTA brass quickly assured us that this was not sabotage, just your everyday catastrophe. Reassuring, indeed!) We were there!

See, being the prescient news-gathering operation we are, A Million Stories placed operative Alexis Pierce, who by day masquerades as City Paper's office coordinator and resident Solitaire expert, on that very R5.

"This was some kind of Final Destination stuff," she says, referring to a movie that once cost us two hours of our life we'll never get back. "That shit was crazy."

She boarded the overcrowded train's front car just before 7 a.m. in Overbrook. A woman nearby asked aloud, "What's that smell?" Pierce smelled something burning, too. Then the car was surrounded by smoke. Panic!

Somewhere around 50th Street, the train screeched to a halt. Passengers kicked out the windows, jumped to the ground and turned to see the train engulfed in flames. SEPTA workers, it seems, were of little help. "They didn't say anything," Pierce says. "They just stopped."

Eventually, SEPTA dispatched yellow school buses to round up the stranded passengers. Pierce was not about to be shuffled in to Center City on one of those things. She called her brother, a cop, to give her a ride to work. In the future, she plans to wear sneakers on the train. Just in case.

Lines Open, Operators Standing By

Speaking of SEPTA, we know you hate them, even when they're not on strike. And you hate the PPA, too, because everyone does, because they're coldhearted and generally evil. And you probably hate a lot of other stupid things in this city, too. Like, did you know Philadelphia outsources its animal registration processing — what, you didn't know you're supposed to get your dog licensed? — to somewhere in Texas?

You've got tales of woe; we'd like to hear them. Consider this your outlet to vent. If you've got a story you want to share about SEPTA, L&I, the PPA or some other element of Philly's omnipresent bureaucracy, hit us up at bitch@citypaper.net. Keep it short, 250 words or less, because no one cares about your life story. Look for the best entries to begin appearing in this space, sometime in December.

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The Bell Curve
Icepack
Planet SEPTA
No, You Shut Up