Noise Makers

No NYE plans? No problem.

by A.D. Amorosi

Geoff McLean COMFORTABLY SEIZING: Lotus and MSTRKRFT (pictured) kick off the new year with strobe lights and hockey masks.

[ last-minute jams ]

Usually, New Year’s Eve is a night when everyone expects to drop a few more ducats for more than a few cocktails. But in 2009, you’ve either got the cash or you don’t. So we give you options for the big spenders and the burger-munching cheapskates.

If you’re looking for something reasonably priced yet flashy, Paperstreet maestro Tommy Up has two options. You can head to his nouvelle burger ’n’ booze barn PYT for its first-ever NYE — for free — with DJs in the bar and back room. Or you can hit Up’s striptease-y Penthouse Party with Yung Harrison and the Double Dutch DJ girls Gunz Garcia and Lady Prowl. “We wanted to keep it very girl-friendly,” says Up, who sounds like he means what he’s sayin’ despite hosting a night at a Penthouse joint.

9:30 p.m., free, PYT, Piazza at Schmidts, 1050 N. Hancock St., 215-964-9009, pytphilly.com; 7 p.m., $20, Penthouse Club, 3001 Castor Ave., 215-423-6000, thepenthouseclubphilly.net.

Playloop — Philly’s premier electro-dance label — has something noisy and disorienting for the local ravers. They took on the big room, Electric Factory; plugged in their own DJs; and booked their pals in the syrupy synth act Lotus, and the waaay more frenetic, foreign-born MSTRKRFT. I promise you someone’s gonna pull a muscle dancing under the strobes.

9:30 p.m., $32-$35, all ages, Electric Factory, 421 N. Seventh St., 215-336-2000, electricfactory.info.

For those rocking on a dressier tip, Glitter City Gala is a top (hat) spot. While men need not don tuxes or women gowns, there’s no need to be sloppy, either. I wouldn’t get my picture taken with Ben Franklin, but I could be persuaded to join the “Midnight Kiss” attempt to set a Guinness World Record for the most people smooching simultaneously in several locations.

8 p.m., $120-$175, National Constitution Center, Independence Mall, 525 Arch St., 215-409-6600, constitutioncenter.org.

Who could blame anyone who lived through 2009 for needing chuckles? Laff House is a good place to start. Comic/DJ Danny Ozark’s doing Thursdays and weekends at the L-House with strong standup acts, and NYE’s no exception. Parody song stylist/local TV personality Keith from Up Da Block, Joe DeRosa, Larry Killebrew and Jay Baron take the stage for two shows.

8 and 10 p.m., $20-$35, Laff House, 221 South St., 215-440-4242, laffhouse.com.

Things’ll get messy when the large-scale, ominously sloppy, Balkan-inspired West Philadelphia Orchestra steps over the tiny Tritone stage. “Good friends, great music and dance, and high spirits, [the night is about] doing it for yourself but taking it to the streets,” says WPO saxophonist Elliot Levin, quoting his poem “Subterranean-Phil-Holy-Feast-of-All.” I couldn’t say it better.

9:30 p.m., $10-$20, Tritone, 1508 South St., 215-545-0475, tritonebar.com.

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)